Monday, February 17, 2014

this space.

this space.
this blog, this open journal that has partial, small
glimpses of my life-
we have become at odds again lately.

i want to be here but find that i am careful with my words
as of late.
this has happened before and i left for a while, 
but the clicking of the keys drew me back.
i missed them.

part of me,
a large part wants this to be a place of happiness and light.
of pretty and free.
i do not want people like you
my dear reader
to wonder each time you open my blog 
as to what you will find.

will she be depressed today? sicker than yesterday perhaps?
lighthearted and creative? dark and deep?


i worry that i will be seen as self indulgent
or seeking pity or worse yet, looking for attention.

{and yes i know, that my blog is for me
 and it doesn't really matter what others think.
 it really isn't that big of a deal, 
 but for me it does, so please indulge me}


i came here each day to share my heart, my journey and 
when this blog began with my dear friend Suzy 
i had no idea that the next 4 years would be 
a journey over difficult terrain.
and that the themes here would be as they are.

i think i imagined a blog that would contain images
of beauty and fun, inspiration and love
a blog that was, well easy.
easy to write, easy to read, easy to want to connect with.


instead it has become a place
 i turn when there is no where else to put down what i need to say.
you see,
i am not gifted with sharing my journey with words over tea.
my face to face community is small.
i jam up, i become clumsy and concerned.
i genuinely want to hear your story 
and that makes it easy to not share mine.
i am working on this and it is becoming easier
but easier only in the sense of
doing something really hard every day makes it easier.

{i do wish sharing our stories wasn't a hard thing.}

 
 so i am at a loss of sorts.
not sure what to do here.
and i come asking those of you who are here faithful with me,
for your thoughts.

 shall i stay or should i go?
 
 
 
 
 

 


10 comments:

  1. stay. simply...stay

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  2. stay.as.you.are ... because you.inspire {us} as you.share <3

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  3. Love the last photo. Stay.

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  4. please just stay and show up as you are. it's very brave and very real and god knows we need that. Heather x

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  5. Stay. You are real and that is what we connect with. If you should decide not to stay, thank you for sharing your stories with us.

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  6. sweet tania. <---that really is what comes to mind everytime i sit down to add to our shared art journal pages or leave you a comment on IG (or here on this raw & vulnerably beautiful place you share your WHOLE story with us). sweetness oozes from you. it's your essence. you are so thoughtful. and there would be a hole if you stopped writing. your words are received with such tenderness. love you. xo

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  7. Dear Tania, Please Stay.

    I started blogging because of you - but have yet to be as deep as you. Mine remains more of a public 'hey-look-at-me-and-please-hire-me-when-I-graduate' but I am learning from you (and now realize that I haven't posted since January…). Perhaps I if I try to write freely like you then I can become a more regular blogger.

    Bear with me as I quote myself ;) Hmmm, quoting something in your blog comment section about what I wrote about you in my blog about your blog…oh dear…and there's a quote within the quote… haha!

    From a 2012 post (Vulnerability: http://wp.me/p1HSsT-bw)

    "…recently, BrenĂ© Brown (via 2 TED talks) has helped broaden my view of vulnerability: 'Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage
…the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.' When I think of my friend Tania, courage and creativity always come to mind - especially when she openly blogs about her own vulnerability."

    "...Tania is a hero showing the power of vulnerability by authentically telling her story with her whole heart
– and consequently inspiring others to practice vulnerability.
Through her pain and discomfort she reveals strength, gratitude, and joy.
 She makes being vulnerable look beautiful."

    The internet needs your beauty. I need your beauty. And I hope you continue to share your beauty through whatever way works best for you. xoxo Tracy

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  8. Tania, my sister! Do keep blogging…you're so strong at it. I know I'm arriving late to this discussion (I'm happy to see you've already posted your decision to "stay"), but I must add my voice anyway: I would miss your blog if you quit. So often phrases of yours stand out to me from your posts - things you are able to articulate that make me think about them in a new way or simply say, "Yes! That's it exactly!" And I agree with Tracy, above: you do "make being vulnerable look beautiful".

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