Friday, November 22, 2013

fly { 5 minute friday}

i see the word
as today's 5 minute friday prompt
and i know in an instant that i am writing about her.
my curly haired girl
took center stage for many months here on my blog,
and in my heart
and while i don't write about her often anymore,
she continues to be my teacher, 
my muse, 
the one who brings me to my knees 
with prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude
tumbling forth and spilling over

i thought this would be an easy 5 minutes.
it is not.
the words are stuck and jumbled in my mind.
just know
those of you who journeyed with us
that she is flying.
and oh so brave.
and for those that are journeying with lost children,
love wins.

more about the curly haired girl can be read here and here

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

the other side of yesterday

it's often when i find myself 
writing a gratitude post
that i know a crash is coming.
i think it might be a strategy that keeps me moving forward
just a few more moments or hours,
to get me to the end of the day.
to propel me forward
when it would be easier to retreat

i believe in it you know,
with all my heart.
gratitude. noticing. mindfulness. 
being grateful almost all the time.
i don't say lightly that gratitude saves me,
that my journaling saves me,
that being with children saves me.
that staying in this moment saves me.

those all do.
they are practices that
 keep my perspective broader, bigger, more hopeful
than my tiny brain would allow.
that isn't an insult on myself,
calling it a tiny brain
because really it is.
my brain would like to keep me locked up,
 small, focused on the crisis of the moment
or the want in this world,
but my heart, my soul, 
my thinking outside the box,
daring to love big and  to give thanks always,
those are what propel me forward.

i am tired
and this isn't anything new or different or profound.
i am sure you are weary as well.
it just is wearisome, yes?
rest doesn't take it away, 
sleep doesn't lessen the grip.
gratitude sharing doesn't make the fatigue and pain lessen
but it allows the energy to shift.
to shift from being about me,
to being not at all about me.

remembering what makes my heart sing,
even when those very thing can leave me feeling bent and broken
-those moments actually save me from myself, my weary, broken self- 
and that is worth remembering.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

i want to remember...

i want to remember 
how absolutely brilliant our autumn was this year.
now that the rain is here, it would be easy to forget and grumble
but my goodness we were blessed.

 i want to remember on these days when my body is
bone tired and there is nothing left of me at the end of the day
that it isn't always like that..

 i want to remember that this is where i find joy
with the small ones.
no matter what else calls to me,
the small ones call to me the loudest and clearest and purest of all.

i want to remember to stay connected with others
to trust and share and spend time with kindreds.

i want to remember that it takes as long as it takes.
every day is forward progress.
the journey is rich.

Friday, November 8, 2013


 joining here on Friday.
 one word chosen for us.
 5 minutes. 
no editing, no looking back.

i am just learning how to tell the truth.
and sometimes i find that the words get stuck in my throat
and the old fear comes back.
what if i tell my truth and you don't like what i have to say?
i wonder this a lot.
and it freezes me inside and i imagine that if you don't like what i have to say
then you won't like me.
then i will be alone.

see that little girl up there?
she is who i am returning to.
the one who was small and bounced through life,
and giggled and told stories and felt invincible.
the one who trusted herself.

she didn't know yet that she would struggle with telling the truth
but the day came when a lie was easier.
a lie meant that there wouldn't be conflict.
and so it became the way to navigate safely.
don't tell the truth.
tell them what they want to hear.
tell them what makes life easier for them.
keep the story going
at all costs.

i am just learning how to tell the truth.
and it starts with telling the truth to myself.

the truth is that i am lovable.
 i am keepable 
and i am allowed to think
differently than you. 
you will still love me.
i will be just fine.

the truth 
will perhaps set me free
after all.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

he{art} sharing.


some days have no words to speak aloud
no sense to be made with words shared over tea
those are the days the pages become my refuge
-my safe place-