story #1

 

a page from my journal.

(i love the reference to my boys in the lower corner

sword fighting their way through childhood)

 

today

 Hannah texted me from English class

with the news that she was asked to write a family story.

 

what should she write about she asked and of course,

i texted back all sorts of ideas but before my text even reached her

she texted me and said

 

"i'm doing the albino bunny..."

 

to which i responded

 

"she's gonna think i'm a rabbit killer"

 

which i was. or am.

 depending on how long our stories need to follow us for with their labels and emotional attachments..

 

here's my abbreviated version of the albino bunny story.

 

when i was on my own with the kids it was really important to me that our life be as "normal" as possible and in my mind that meant having pets.

 

we had had a variety of  small pets when we were a family with Darryl so i figured we should continue to do so.

 

the logic of adding pets to the mix

 in order to have a "normal" family now amuses me

 and it is only recently that i have been open to any extra's in our family..large groups of people are enough i have decided but somehow we now have chickens and a cat and there is constant talk of a puppy... but i digress.

 

we were at a pet store

because it was located right next to the toy store that sold Playmobile and the student loan had just arrived so we were getting a fresh supply for Gideon

and somehow we ended up in the pet store looking at

of all things,

birds.

( i have STRONG feelings about birds as pets...strong! don't even ask)

 

Hannah wandered off, as she often did and ended up at the bunny cage

where there was a pure white, red eyed, albino bunny.

 

love. at. first. sight.

she is very generous in her love.

always has been.

 

the bunny comes home

and within a few months i reilize that i don't want a bunny in my teeny tiny house with four children, so he is relocated outside

in a cage.

against the strong protests of the curly haired girl.

 

here's the thing.

being a single mom of 4 kids, working 3 demanding jobs, going to school and just dealing with the daily stuff doesn't leave alot of time to think about the bunny.

not making excuses or anything but he really wasn't a priority

the bunny that was now outside.

and away from view.

 

it went okay though

at the start.

it always does though, doesn't it?

the kids fed him his pellets and changed his water and we gave him grass

and he was a bunny.

 

but he was in a cage

and i am opposed to caged animals so i had the great idea to let him roam free in the greenhouse.

he could eat the grass and hop around and be free.

(sortof)

 

here's the other thing.

i thought rabbits could just live on grass.

they do in the wild right?

but this was not the case.

apparantly our bunny needed pellets.

i ran out of pellets. and forgot to get more.

or chose milk over pellets.i can't remember now.

regardless,

our bunny stopped thriving.

but i didn't notice because i thought he was happy and free nibbling on greenhouse grass.

 then one day it was super hot and the greenhouse overheated

and the rabbit died.

 

end of story.

i am a rabbit killer.

 

that is the story she chooses to write about of all her family memories.

oh my.

 

it feels good to tell this story.

to get it out there. to let it go.

to embrace the less perfect me.

 

it tells me somethings about myself.

  i can see that i shouldn't really have pets that require alot of care because i am the type of girl who would rather be caring for people.

some people do animals well. so well.

 

me, not so much.

and to the bunny, i am truly sorry.

 

(and to my curly haired girl, i am sorry for killing your bunny.)

 

ps.

yes, hannah and i text during class.

 yes, we are breaking the rules.

yes, i am setting a bad example about rule following.

no, i don't care.

 it keeps us connected, her grounded and me breathing easier.

 it is a rule i am willing to break for now.

 to all my teacher friends, i am sorry but this is a way of survival for the teenage girl and i.