Tuesday, September 4, 2012

everyone deserves a new day

everyone deserves a new day
she told me this today
as she made the unexpected decision to return to school tomorrow
and rewrite her story one chapter at a time
and i was reminded that often we hold ourselves and each other back
by making decisions based on before.
on the decisions we made in the past
and we can limit ourselves through fear and shame and
our lives shrink as a result.
she is choosing not to shrink away from her life
and that is sometimes messy and confusing and changes so rapidly as she figures it all out.
one of my deepest desires is to be a companion on the journey my children take.
i count each moment, each day i spend with them to be one of my greatest blessings
and i continue to be amazed by this girl.
is she mine?
 i sometimes wonder.
when i see her bravery,
her fierce determination to not settle but to continue to face her fears
and her willingness to show vulnerability to me
i am honoured.
i so want what is best for her.
and i often think that i know what that might be
but really i don't.
i imagine and i speak into her life with the intimate love and knowledge i have of her
but ultimately,
i have taught her to trust her intuition
to believe in her journey
to not be afraid of the struggle
(even though i at times am terrified for her. for me. for us)
and so tomorrow
she returns to the halls of an overcrowded building to change her story.
to try again.
to have a new day
and work towards a goal that for right now is strong enough to take her back.
my heart bursts with love but also quakes with fear.
i am not going to let myself get in her way.
i am choosing to support her and be who she needs me to be.
her cheerleader.
always in her corner.
ready for what is next.

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