Friday, November 16, 2012

step by step

days like yesterday
the ones where i don't want to get out of bed
i forget to practice gratitude
and i feel myself sinking
notice only my supposed flaws and the weaknesses
i allow myself to get
swallowed alive
in the hard stuff
those days
make the next day
because i can look back at yesterday
and say
that it was ok.
it really was
 and it is just as important for me to
love and accept and embrace
the broken tania
as it is for me to
love and embrace and accept the
brave tania.
in fact,
showing up when i don't want to
and my fears are screaming louder than my logic
and my body is protesting
and i can sense my inner calm pouring out of me
faster than i can plug the hole
being present and accepting through those kind of moments
is also brave.
i am brave.
you are brave.
just by being present in our lives
we are being brave.
passed as it always does
today has not been easier
it has just been different.
different because yesterday i loved myself through
the lens of darkness
and today i love myself through the filter of light.
they need each other.
shadows and light.
there isn't one without the other.
i am learning
[ever so slowly]
to embrace both
with love and gentleness
and a willingness to show up
just to show up
and see what happens.
trusting the process
i think it is called.

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