step by step

 

days like yesterday

the ones where i don't want to get out of bed

and

i forget to practice gratitude

and i feel myself sinking

and

notice only my supposed flaws and the weaknesses

and

i allow myself to get

 {almost}

swallowed alive

in the hard stuff

 

those days

make the next day

sweeter.

 

because i can look back at yesterday

and say

that it was ok.

it really was

 and it is just as important for me to

love and accept and embrace

the broken tania

as it is for me to

love and embrace and accept the

brave tania.

 

in fact,

showing up when i don't want to

and my fears are screaming louder than my logic

and my body is protesting

and i can sense my inner calm pouring out of me

faster than i can plug the hole

 

being present and accepting through those kind of moments

is also brave.

 

i am brave.

you are brave.

just by being present in our lives

we are being brave.

 

yesterday

passed as it always does

and

today has not been easier

it has just been different.

different because yesterday i loved myself through

the lens of darkness

and today i love myself through the filter of light.

 

they need each other.

shadows and light.

there isn't one without the other.

 

i am learning

[ever so slowly]

to embrace both

with love and gentleness

and a willingness to show up

just to show up

and see what happens.

 

trusting the process

i think it is called.