i practice gratitude.
it is one of the areas of my life that i consider
a pathway to wellness, to wholeness and to happiness.
sometimes i miss noticing the deeper layers of my gratitude though
because the noticing of small things has become like breathing for me.
i can feel that i am practicing gratitude because there is always
a running, babbling list in my head as i go through my day.
grateful for this, grateful for that,
noticing the gifts, re framing the hard.
there was a deepening to my practice
and it was because i allowed myself to just be, to accept the gift,
to soak up the love, the support, the quiet steadfastness that was being offered to me.
my heart feels stretched and wide open in a new way.
the story goes as such:
i didn't sleep last night.
or the night before, much.
3 hours tops
and this morning, oh so early, in an unsettled, exhausted haze
i noticed that Owen was there beside me.
up for work already, dressed but at our bedside,
head beside mine, not talking, just being there.
he was such a calming presence.
so rock solid steady and peaceful
it was as if he knew that i didn't have the strength
to begin my day without a filling up of love,
and so he gave that to me,
silently, without a word, without a touch,
just his presence. his being.
he came and laid his head by mine
not once but twice,
returning to me on either side of the bed,
meeting me exactly where i was at.
i don't think he knows how profound it felt,
because i don't think i even spoke this morning,
it was that deep an exhaustion.
i don't think he even knew that i had been awake till 3,
but he did know exactly what i needed somehow.
i am grateful.
and extremely blessed.
and while the exhaustion remains,
it is less burdensome, less threatening
because i know that i am not in this alone.
not for one moment.
and for that i cannot express enough gratitude.
the awesome thing is,
he will read this,
and probably tell me that he was just too tired
to do anything but lie there himself..
we will laugh and delight in the knowing
that we give each other gifts of love
without even reilizing it all the time