what if...

 

what if you just try something new...

like finding silly animals in sidewalk crack photographs

like i did above.

he's not the greatest elephant ever but it was so fun

to find him.

 

what if even though i don't like painted fingernails

i leave them and then proceed to spend the afternoon in the garden

digging around in the dirt, wearing rings and not even caring if i had gloves.

can i just say,

 there is something a little bit bad ass

about gardening

 with rings and painted fingernails.

 

what if,

instead of ignoring the lemon balm that grows with wild abandon,

i decide to take a bunch of it home

and research it and discover that is is really quite something

(amazing it would appear)

and i should, you should, we all should be drinking it.

so i am.

and if you want some, tell me and i will bring you a bundle.

 

and what if i decided to act on my dreams

that wake me up,

and instead of pretending they don't mean anything much at all,

i decide that they do,

and i send a hello to everyone that visited me in them,

saying

"hey! you showed up in my dreams. i am thinking about you"

it was a letter writing morning as a result,

and that is always a good thing.

 

what if

just for fun, just to see what might happen,

i set up a flower cart today and decide to fill it for the weekend.

well, i did.

and i am going to fill it for Saturday and Sunday.

just because.

 

what if i decided to keep a pet chicken for a week.

i did.

you saw him i am sure

in some of my photos.

i loved that little chicken as much as one can love a chicken

before they become all chicken like on you

and need to go..

he is gone.

this is not a bad thing.

it was fun though,

 having a chicken cuddled up in my arms for a while.

(and weird, very weird at moments)

 

what if i used these distractions,

 these "noticings",

 these "what if's"

and these

"simply happy"

choices

 as a way of staving off the loneliness

, the worry, the unknown,

to push back at

the gremlins that keep me awake at night?

 

i do.