oh the stories i could tell {November}

 

  

 

 

also, here.

fly { 5 minute friday}

 

i see the word

 fly

as today's 5 minute friday prompt

and i know in an instant that i am writing about her.

my curly haired girl

took center stage for many months here on my blog,

and in my heart

and while i don't write about her often anymore,

she continues to be my teacher, 

my muse, 

the one who brings me to my knees 

with prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude

tumbling forth and spilling over

i thought this would be an easy 5 minutes.

it is not.

the words are stuck and jumbled in my mind.

just know

those of you who journeyed with us

that she is flying.

and oh so brave.

and for those that are journeying with lost children,

love wins.

more about the curly haired girl can be read here and here

the other side of yesterday

 

it's often when i find myself 

writing a gratitude post

that i know a crash is coming.

i think it might be a strategy that keeps me moving forward

just a few more moments or hours,

to get me to the end of the day.

to propel me forward

when it would be easier to retreat

i believe in it you know,

with all my heart.

gratitude. noticing. mindfulness. 

being grateful almost all the time.

i don't say lightly that gratitude saves me,

that my journaling saves me,

that being with children saves me.

that staying in this moment saves me.

those all do.

they are practices that

 keep my perspective broader, bigger, more hopeful

than my tiny brain would allow.

that isn't an insult on myself,

calling it a tiny brain

because really it is.

my brain would like to keep me locked up,

 small, focused on the crisis of the moment

or the want in this world,

but my heart, my soul, 

my thinking outside the box,

daring to love big and  to give thanks always,

those are what propel me forward.

i am tired

friends,

and this isn't anything new or different or profound.

i am sure you are weary as well.

it just is wearisome, yes?

rest doesn't take it away, 

sleep doesn't lessen the grip.

gratitude sharing doesn't make the fatigue and pain lessen

but it allows the energy to shift.

to shift from being about me,

to being not at all about me.

remembering what makes my heart sing,

even when those very thing can leave me feeling bent and broken

-those moments actually save me from myself, my weary, broken self- 

and that is worth remembering.

 

 

i want to remember...

 

i want to remember 

how absolutely brilliant our autumn was this year.

now that the rain is here, it would be easy to forget and grumble

but my goodness we were blessed.

 i want to remember on these days when my body is

bone tired and there is nothing left of me at the end of the day

that it isn't always like that..

 i want to remember that this is where i find joy

with the small ones.

no matter what else calls to me,

the small ones call to me the loudest and clearest and purest of all.

i want to remember to stay connected with others

to trust and share and spend time with kindreds.

i want to remember that it takes as long as it takes.

every day is forward progress.

the journey is rich.

truth

 joining here on Friday.

 one word chosen for us.

 5 minutes. 

no editing, no looking back.

i am just learning how to tell the truth.

and sometimes i find that the words get stuck in my throat

and the old fear comes back.

what if i tell my truth and you don't like what i have to say?

i wonder this a lot.

and it freezes me inside and i imagine that if you don't like what i have to say

then you won't like me.

then i will be alone.

see that little girl up there?

she is who i am returning to.

the one who was small and bounced through life,

and giggled and told stories and felt invincible.

the one who trusted herself.

she didn't know yet that she would struggle with telling the truth

but the day came when a lie was easier.

a lie meant that there wouldn't be conflict.

and so it became the way to navigate safely.

don't tell the truth.

tell them what they want to hear.

tell them what makes life easier for them.

keep the story going

at all costs.

i am just learning how to tell the truth.

and it starts with telling the truth to myself.

the truth is that i am lovable.

 i am keepable 

and i am allowed to think

differently than you. 

you will still love me.

i will be just fine.

the truth 

will perhaps set me free

after all.

 

 

he{art} sharing.

 

  

some days have no words to speak aloud

no sense to be made with words shared over tea

those are the days the pages become my refuge

-my safe place-