joining here on Friday.
one word chosen for us.
5 minutes.
no editing, no looking back.
i am just learning how to tell the truth.
and sometimes i find that the words get stuck in my throat
and the old fear comes back.
what if i tell my truth and you don't like what i have to say?
i wonder this a lot.
and it freezes me inside and i imagine that if you don't like what i have to say
then you won't like me.
then i will be alone.
see that little girl up there?
she is who i am returning to.
the one who was small and bounced through life,
and giggled and told stories and felt invincible.
the one who trusted herself.
she didn't know yet that she would struggle with telling the truth
but the day came when a lie was easier.
a lie meant that there wouldn't be conflict.
and so it became the way to navigate safely.
don't tell the truth.
tell them what they want to hear.
tell them what makes life easier for them.
keep the story going
at all costs.
i am just learning how to tell the truth.
and it starts with telling the truth to myself.
the truth is that i am lovable.
i am keepable
and i am allowed to think
differently than you.
you will still love me.
i will be just fine.
the truth
will perhaps set me free
after all.
she's so lovely..... keep on giggling, Heather X
ReplyDeleteYES!!
ReplyDelete(Before I read further, I thought that was an old picture of Gideon! I don't mean you looked like a boy when you were small...heh...but that through the wonder of genetics and mama-love, you gave him your smile. He's lucky!)
ReplyDeleteI suspect that telling the truth is difficult for many of us, most of the time. And, because of that, it is also hard to believe others are telling the truth to us. You articulate the fear and struggle very clearly, as usual. (And that's the TRUTH!)
Keep bloggin', sister!