the other side of yesterday

 

it's often when i find myself 

writing a gratitude post

that i know a crash is coming.

i think it might be a strategy that keeps me moving forward

just a few more moments or hours,

to get me to the end of the day.

to propel me forward

when it would be easier to retreat

i believe in it you know,

with all my heart.

gratitude. noticing. mindfulness. 

being grateful almost all the time.

i don't say lightly that gratitude saves me,

that my journaling saves me,

that being with children saves me.

that staying in this moment saves me.

those all do.

they are practices that

 keep my perspective broader, bigger, more hopeful

than my tiny brain would allow.

that isn't an insult on myself,

calling it a tiny brain

because really it is.

my brain would like to keep me locked up,

 small, focused on the crisis of the moment

or the want in this world,

but my heart, my soul, 

my thinking outside the box,

daring to love big and  to give thanks always,

those are what propel me forward.

i am tired

friends,

and this isn't anything new or different or profound.

i am sure you are weary as well.

it just is wearisome, yes?

rest doesn't take it away, 

sleep doesn't lessen the grip.

gratitude sharing doesn't make the fatigue and pain lessen

but it allows the energy to shift.

to shift from being about me,

to being not at all about me.

remembering what makes my heart sing,

even when those very thing can leave me feeling bent and broken

-those moments actually save me from myself, my weary, broken self- 

and that is worth remembering.