moved me.

it is no secret

that photos move me.

in a very big way.

this blog

that

i discovered

just  this morning

that pares everyday captures

with brief little sentences

moved me to tears.

call me a softie

or just a lover of capturing life

in all its forms.

it was comforting

oh so comforting to me.

check it out if photos and little snippets of life move you too.

http://www.habitblog.com/habit/page/3/

preparing...

six weeks is a long time

to be apart.

and we are preparing for the return

of the

curly haired girl

(which is what i always call her despite her having bone straight hair most days)

the initial return was delayed

and i remembered

that i was learning about patience

and sharing and how time away is sometimes

easier than time together.

(not that i like the truth of that statement but there it is)

next weekend we do the long drive

(happily)

listening to music

to collect the missing piece to our family

and we are delighted.

excited.

thankful.

blessed.

we are also aware

that the journey is not over

that there will be readjustment pains

and difficult conversations and confrontations

and there will be stretching and growing

and it will have moments that are so tough.

and moments that are so sweet.

and moments that are so funny.

and moments that are so frustrating

(for each of us)

and moments of nothing

and moments of everything.

"recovery is about more than

walking away.

sometimes it means

learning to stay and deal.

it's about

building and maintaining

relationships that work"

that is our prayer and our goal

rebuilding and maintaining

 a relationship

that works

with our most precious

most loved

curly haired girl.

7 sleeps till it all begins

chasing cheerfulness

last week

i had a few days where i had to

chase cheerfulness.

it wasn't just falling into my lap

as easily as it does most days

so i went on a little treasure hunt.

here is how i found some:

i added nutmeg to my kefir

now it is all festive

and we call it...

goat nog

i painted my fingernails

purple.

this is unusual for me.

toes yes,

fingers never

but you know what

each time i looked down

i was all suprised and quite tickled to have

purple fingernails

i made stuff.

stuff for other people.

it always cheers me up to give away

little bits of this and that.

usually ice cream or cookies

or a note here and there.

right now i am on a garland kick.

sometimes

even the cheerfulest of hearts

can have days that feel less than okay.

and it is on those days

that i need to seek out ways to bless others

and bless myself

and restore that happy countenance.

10 days

to hold chubby little bodies close

to wipe runny noses

to read endless stories

to be greeted by Carter each morning

with a "hello tania"

to use bright plastic dishes

to change endless diapers

to play with playdough many times each day

to patiently explain the importance of eating lunch

to sing the story time song

to always have a cluttery kitchen

to wipe sticky fingers

to be kissed and hugged at least 20 times a day

to take endless happy photos of little faces

to be called ta-ta all day long

to marvel at Carters magnificent sentences he now speaks

to tickle little tummies

to trip over the baby gates

to share my home with wonderful interventionists

to see the world through their eyes.

10 more days

i am going to be busy soaking it all in

more about that

i am a yes girl.

i love to say yes, as much as possible.

i have parented with a yes mentality.

"only say no when you really have to"

that type of yes girl.

alot of the books i read

spread the "just say yes!" good news.

and i believe that it is an amazing way

to open my life up to new experiences, to strong relationships,

to compassionate and generous living.

and those are all very important to me.

very.

but while reading a few days ago

i come across the simple sentence-

learning to say no in one place

so i can say yes in another.

woohh. i say to myself.

that is what i need to do.

this is what i am starting to do.

but i am struggling with the no.

the no to working for a year.

the no's i am having to say to my children.

the no's i am constantly telling myself around food.

the no's that come with a smaller budget.

the no's that come from lack of energy

now obviously i do say no.

sometimes.

but not without hesitation, guilt, second guessing

and more guilt.

a whole lot of guilt it would seem.

just for saying no.

this is not cool. i don't think.

nor does it create compassion and generosity in myself

towards me.

( i am trying to learn self compassion and generosity- tricky biz i tell you)

it also seems that this simple sentence is saying

yes. it is saying yes, with boundaries.

the boundary of the well placed no.

that will make room for a resounding Yes!

still learning.

learning this.

i need to learn to say no

in one place

so

i can say yes

in another place.

this is tricky for me

but i sense it will be life affirming

and lead to great joy

Hello Monday!

i found my Christmas spirit yesterday

and today

the house smells like candied pecans

and looks a little bit like Christmas.

There are

jars being filled

and branches being decorated.

There are bus schedules being looked at

trying to bring the curly haired girl home

sooner than later.

There are lists being made

and stockings hung

My Monday

is being kind to me today.

We are enjoying each others quiet company.