a gift

 

it was a simple gift really

a word.

she, my new dear friend, whom i barely know, but love deep in my heart because i can feel a connection,

sent me a message

"look up the finnish word sisu. it reminds me of you"

 

and i did

and at that moment i felt honoured that she would connect me with

 definition i read. but i didn't let it sink deeper. i wasn't able to absorb the truth of what she was trying to give me.

 

until this morning.

after a difficult night alone

(owen and hannah and the boys are in vancouver)

and a morning where i had to stagger down the stairs because i am so sick and weak

i was needing grounding. and stability and love.

 

trying to distract myself from the physical mess my body is in today

i began to read blogs, and my facebook wall and i decided to look again at what she had sent me.

 

"sisu is a finnish term loosely translated into english as stength of will, determination, perserverance, and acting rationally in the face of adversity....the literal meanig is equivalent in english to "having guts", and the word derives from sisus, which means something inner or interior. However sisu is defined by a long term element in it, it is not mometary couraged but the ability to sustain an action against the odds. deciding on a course of action ad then sticking to that decision against repeated failures is sisu..."

 

(repeated failures.

that is sometimes how i define myself if i allow myself to go down that dark path.

but she sees something different so perhaps i can to, carried by love)

 

um. yes please.

 let that be even a little bit of who i am.

 let me add that to the definition of who i am trying to become.

 

today those words, the gift that was sent to me so simply is a lifeline. an anchor.

the knowledge that someone believes those words about me is giving me the strengtht to go one more hour without caving to the intense craving for solid food i am having. the understanding that i am believed in, that people are aware of my struggle and my determination gives me more determination.

 

gifts that are so simple are often the most profound.

share love my friends.

it really does make a difference.