today arrived

 

January 1st arrived. 

Despite my refusal to create 

end of year blog posts, my year in photo reviews,

lists to-dos, word choosing, resolutions, project ideas.

Despite all my boycotting of all those above good and wonderful practices

that I have for so many years participated in and loved oh so much.

Even with my wavering around this brand new

 "i will do nothing" stance 

despite the occasional

(well, frequent i suppose) 

lamenting  about how strange it felt,

today arrived.

and with today came an

unexpected feeling of anticipation and newness

that hadn't required any pre planning on my part.

{well, imagine that!}

conversations began to happen, 

unfold, and grow 

between owen and myself,

between my heart and my head

and i realized that fear,

fear of failure, fear of quitting, 

of not being able to sustain, 

to maintain, 

of not succeeding

that was what this boycotting was actually all about.

fear

was standing right there

 on my path that leads me forward

blocking my way and my view.

 

i still have no intentions of resolution lists to be made in haste so i am not behind,

there will be no new grand projects.

 however

 realizing that it was a fear of failing 

and saying

"hello! 

this is not how i am choosing to start today" 

allowed for a shift.

 Suddenly there was new energy flowing

and i found myself free

 to see and remember

 what i might choose to embark on

{today}

that would bring me joy.

renewing my commitment to my gratitude's.

but with a twist.

not in a notebook as in the past

 but through my IG photo stream

with a fun new hash-tag

#lovemylife2014

starting a new commitment to doing.

not in a 

"i must perform to be worthy doing",

but a

"you got this Tania, no go do it"

doing.

{that feels good}

and has a hash-tag too!

#stopknowingandstartdoing

-insert laughing at myself here for my intense love affair with Instagram-

i am happy to have cleared the path today.

it's steep..i can see that again, but so much longer and friendlier 

with the fear pushed aside for today.

xox