i remember when i told my friend Leila
way back 7 or so years ago,
that I was going to marry Owen
she burst into tears and quietly whispered
to me that she had been so afraid I would be all alone
when I was older.
at the time, i brushed her off as being one of those romantic, sentimental types
(which I am not)
why would it matter if I were alone? I had been alone for 5 years with my kids already
and was doing okay.
of course I was thrilled to be getting married but I didn't really understand what her
heart was telling me.
but now, after a few years of raising kids together
working through all the issues that come with being married together
battling a nasty illness together
loving our extended families together
moving houses (a few times) together
travelling on an airplane or two together
having teenagers and young adults together
drinking martinis and eating yummy food together
crying and laughing hysterically together
transitioning from job to job together
losing people we care about so much together
and perhaps, growing a wee bit older together
a day without owen would be one that I can't even imagine
without hot tears forming under my eyelids and then rolling silently down my cheeks.