Rebuilding...

i think,

when i first got sick

i thought that if i just went away from my life,

or disappeared for a while,

things would get better.

i would rest. and restore. and take care of myself.

all by myself.

with the help and love of my family of course.

but i wouldn't include others in the process.

i would be brave and stoic and private.

and i would get better.

this was after all just a minor (well major) inconvenience

and it would be gone soon.

now i reilize that this isn't the case.

being alone isn't making anything better.

and having a few close support systems in place

is actually life saving.

(thank you K&K)

and i am now recognizing that this is my new life.

this disease is a part of who i am and who i may be for a long time

and i don't want to hide away "waiting to get better"

so here i am trying to rebuild.

make connections with people i have neglected

being brave with myself and my needs

asking for understanding and grace.

rebuilding.