when i first got sick
i thought that if i just went away from my life,
or disappeared for a while,
things would get better.
i would rest. and restore. and take care of myself.
all by myself.
with the help and love of my family of course.
but i wouldn't include others in the process.
i would be brave and stoic and private.
and i would get better.
this was after all just a minor (well major) inconvenience
and it would be gone soon.
now i reilize that this isn't the case.
being alone isn't making anything better.
and having a few close support systems in place
is actually life saving.
(thank you K&K)
and i am now recognizing that this is my new life.
this disease is a part of who i am and who i may be for a long time
and i don't want to hide away "waiting to get better"
so here i am trying to rebuild.
make connections with people i have neglected
being brave with myself and my needs
asking for understanding and grace.