scaffolding

i'm thinking that my scaffolding is being taken down.

 without my permission and some faster than i of course, would like.

but it's coming down.

there is a pile of rubble at my feet every time i look down.

yesterday, the word began kicking around in my head

and being i woke up this morning,

after a painful sleep,

still thinking about it

i decided it was time to dig a bit deeper.

i love when a word does that. gets inside you and forces a conversation.

scaffolding:

 a temporary structure used to support people and materials in the construction or repair of buildings and other large structures

it is easy for me to make the leap from scaffoldings surrounding a building that is under repair or construction to scaffolding being the busyness and attachments we place on external experiences and activities to support our self worth. to create who we want to be. or want the world to see us as.

this is the type of scaffolding that is falling down around me.

the value that comes from work and a paycheck, the security we feel when we are healthy and the world feels conquerable, the pride we attain from having a family that is functioning "well"

these are the scaffoldings that have supported me,brought me a sense of self, comforted me,

 allowed my pride to continue to grow rather than diminish,

 and instead of being temporary they have been standing a very long time and become somewhat permanent.

they were never meant to be.

but not any more.

they are being dismantled piece by piece and it is noisy, chaotic, dusty and painful work. the screws holding the scaffolding together are bound tight and needing to be wrenched loose. the building behind the scaffolding is slowly being revealed and while some of it is lovely and fresh, there are raw spots that are shying away from the light.

deconstruction is always slow, meticulous work and i am in the midst of it

and still suprised to find myself here.

so as i am being cleared away of the temporary supports that has defined me for too long,  i will explore my prefered form of scaffolding and one that i am very familiar with:

instructional scaffolding

a learning process designed to promote deeper learning. Scaffolding is the support given during the learning process which is tailored to the needs of the student with the intention of helping the student meet his/her goals

guess who the student is in this definition?

yup, me.

this type of scaffolding relies on collaboration and follow through and practice and the end result is moving from a place of being stuck to a new found ability to soar on one's own.

i'm currently in the follow through and practice stages.

i need to continually be reminded to take care of myself. to nourish myself. to remember myself.

to put myself in the equation

instructional scaffolding

 relies heavily on the work of Vygotsky and the Zone of Proximal Development

and is an educational stategy I used frequently in my work.

now, it's time to use it on myself.

this should be fun.

yes, it's geared towards children and students but really,

 are we not all learning all the time.

are we not all students of this journey we call life?

i certainly am.

 and if i valued this stragegy enough to use it with the students i loved immensely, surely i can adapt and use it for myself.

more tomorrow.