Friday, August 17, 2012

a new kind of gratitude

practicing gratitude for the gifts that have not yet arrived
starting today.
it is easy for me to walk through my day and see the good.
the gifts are always abundant and i am truly grateful.

but i have started losing the ability to see past today
to imagine my life different than it is now.
 this shrinking down of though  has been vital for me to learn to live in the now
but something is missing

i was losing hope of a bright future and hanging onto the hope of a bright day.
this is tricky because having hope for a bright day is vital to walking in gratitude, staying in the moment and taking baby steps.

all of which i must do in order to keep moving forward.

but it's limiting i think.

today i was reminded to
 "give thanks in advance for the help you stand in need of, as if you've already received it"

and i felt a shift. a new hopeful nugget seeped into my heart and i decided to try.
why not?
what can possibly go wrong with expressing gratitude for that which has not yet occured but i am choosing to believe will occur if i continue to seek wellness.

so starting today,
now 30 hours into a medically necessary fast that needs to stretch into 125 hours
I am giving thanks for the desires that are in my heart for my future.
each new pain is met with recognition and understanding
 (that's the staying in the now for me)
and then quickly a grateful thought about what my future holds.
that gratitude in advance is what is going to propell me forward.

please, if you will, hold me in your thoughts for these next 5 days.
i am needing to dig deeper than i have yet on this journey and welcome your love, support, prayers, practical helps, letters, wishes...
it takes a village sometimes and i think these next 100 or so hours are going to need one.

i will keep in touch i promise.

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