sometimes

sometimes silence in this space is because there is remembering taking place

and the remembering is only for me.

sometimes the sharer in me sits silent and small and waiting.

there is wisdom in waiting sometimes.

in sitting with the remembering. the thinking. the affairs of the heart.

sometimes my world can become narrow in focus and be all about the colitis or the girl or the year off and sometimes

my world needs to be about none of that at all.

and the remembering, while not always easy, is a welcome distraction.

my world can become for a brief moment, at least,

a journey back to another place, another time, another tania

and that journey and the remembering that is there is only for me.

at least for now

and the writer is silent here in this space.

but i missed you.

 i missed the clicking of keys and sorting of thoughts.

so i wanted to visit. say hello to my lovelies.

you.

i feel like i have been in a deep conversation here with you for a while now,

and it is curious to notice my feelings of disloyalty when i am absent from this space.

it's hard to know sometimes how much to share. how open one can be.

i am searching for the  balance that is needed  with vulnerability and transparancy

and then i question who am i concerned about protecting?

myself or others...

and i then need to remember that this space is for me.

it's one part of my voice.

i choose the volume i want to speak.