silence

it is stretching out for what is feeling like forever.

this loss of voice.

 the rather new inability to share what is occuring in my heart and soul and body.

i am commited to not being in this space to keep others happy or in the loop.

i promised myself when i began blogging that this space was for me

and i would be honoured to have readers join me but that i had to keep it about me.

it is very easy for me, too easy actually, of falling into the deep rut of being a people pleaser, of finding all my value in others.

this is one of the deep heart works that is going on right now.

i am trying to stay out of that rut and it is a moment by moment journey.

so,

i am continuing with a silence

that even owen is trying to figure out how to gently coax me from

 i thought i could get over it by publicly declaring i would be a faithful blogger and i thought i would begin to articulate again soon if i just gave myself some time.

i felt the pull of an expectation to blog. to talk. to stay connected both here and in my day to day life but honestly,

right now,

i can't do it.

i need to be quiet so i can hear the whispers.

so i can dicipher what my life is trying to tell me.

what my body is saying. my soul. my heart.

and so i can come to this place when i am ready again.

it would appear i need more time.

my voice has dried up.

and i am trying to water it and fill in the dry cracks.

this is new terrain for me. feeling so alone, but by choice.

this venture into introvertedness is filled with curiosities and noticings that i am glad to not be missing out on.