March 7^th  2011    Blog #24  Confessions and dreams of a middle age woman  

Dear Tania

I thought I would share with you about my sister. My parents had separated and my dad was living the wild & free life.

I was about 18 I guess and I was in my room listening to an album.. Keith Richards I believe.. I was praying and worshiping and God told me that on a certain date (which as I remember was in march) that something important was going to happen. That day my dad came home to talk. They had a bad argument and then when my dad left my mother who was in tears told me she was pregnant. When my father had come home ‘to try and work things out’ she had gotten pregnant. On that day, the good news came. What is interesting is that I prayed for a sister for a long time as a kid.

In October of that year, my beautiful sister was born. There were a lot of years between us but it was an amazing prayer that was answered.  

As it worked out, because of the age difference I was well on my way to beginning my adult life. I got married, we moved to Peterborough for Rick to go to Bible College and then on to a church… and so life progressed… her in Ontario us in BC.

Funny thing, years later, we are together… she in Edmonton and me in Sherwood Park. (about 15 min apart) I am so enjoying our time together. To have my sister in my life and share this time together is priceless.

The other night we watched a movie, drank a bottle of wine and talked. No pressures… just fun. How amazing.

A funny thing is that a prophecy given to me when we stepped out on faith on our ministry journey... was that God would restore the years the locust had eaten. Of course it referred to many things but I feel it sure applies here. The damage done in our family because of our parents’ divorce was so damaging and so painful. It tore our family up… literally.

So here I am years later enjoying the fruit of God’s faithfulness! His blessings.  How cool is that. So I want to encourage you, if God has made a promise to you… He is faithful!

The 5 items on my bucket list...

March 6, 2o11
Dear Suzy,

you really had me thinking dear girl with your question of what are my 5 wishes...it's funny, we occasionally toss around the bucket list concept here at our house but never really do much other than that. one year for my birthday i did a 39 before 40 list and that was really fun and i might do that again this year, but those are easier because you pick things that you know you can do. Bucket lists seem to be a bit bigger. The ideas, the dreams, the hopes...they often seem just a wee bit or alot out of reach...but you know what...dreams keep us alive i think. so here you go....

First on the list would be HEALTH...i would like to live my life as a healthy individual. I would like to know that my body and I are friends, not enemies (as we seem to be right now). I would want to be able to rely on my body to support me. I also want to be spiritually, mentally and emotionally healthy. I would want these things more than anything else on my list. A year ago, this wouldn't be on my bucket list because I was healthy, or at least I thougth I was...ha! life changes so fast!


SEcond on my list, and i don't think this is in any particular order anymore, other than the first one, would be to own our own home...with my very own, put down roots back yard.

Our home would be built with room for others, and with room just for us. our home would be sustainable, green and meant to last...it would be our resting place, our gathering place, a place for people to feel welcome and valued in.  our home would have big windows and warm floors, white couches and red walls. our home would be surrounded with gardens and paths and the birds would chirp each morning, waking us up to a new day:) We would have a big deck with an outdoor kitchen and in my deepest dreams would be right by the ocean, but of course, never too cold...(which is why that is a dream, not a reality...the ocean is cold)

Third on my list would be to see the Northern Lights...

Can you imagine!!!! I know my brother, and jenn have seen the Northern Lights...i am jealous..I imagine if I saw the Northern Lights I would be in so much awe that I would be speechless...i imagine i would just want to stay staring at the sky forever and never turn away...

Forth in my bucket is to attend Journal Fest...http://www.teeshaslandofodd.com/journalfest/info.html
I would really, really love this opportunity and I think it might just happen, not this year, but perhaps in 2012. I so love my journals, and the recording of my life that they have become. I love seeing bits of me written down and remembered...

And finally, I would love to do humanitarian work with my family.  I would love to combine my wanderlust with my deep compassion and desire to make a difference. I would love to go to amazing places and help make a difference, while at the same time, experiencing the beauty of other countries and cultures.

So there you have it...my top 5...thanks for inspiring me to think about my dreams Suzy...i leave you with this...

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child, listen to the DON'TS-listen to

the SHOULDN'TS, the IMPOSSIBLES, the WONT'S- listen to

the NEVER HAVEs. Then listen close to me- anything can happen,

child. ANYTHING can be.- Shel SIlverstein

March 5^th  2011             Blog #24  Confessions and dreams of a middle age woman  

Dear Tania

I say this every time… I’m not going to take on so much… leave some breathing space… but then, when the opportunity comes around… I can’t help but take it on… I’m excited, love the challenge, hate just sitting doing nothing! So I have no one else to blame for this crazy Saturday… but me. 

But hey, wasn’t it me who said I like my plate all filled up!

         Ok…so today as I move on to accomplish my list, I’m thinking a crazy thought… If you could have 5 things… (not world peace and fantasy things like that.. but 5 things… kind of like a bucket list of 5 for myself /family…

What would those 5 things be?

Here’s my list as it sits at 8:31 Saturday morning after just making breakfast for the men’s breakfast at church this morning and on my way to my 6 hour rehearsal/prop making… & then to a camera class!

#1. I would like Alice! You know Alice from the Brady Bunch.. the amazing member of the family who cooks and cleans and helps take care of family! I would love Alice! I’ll give her my room! I’ll bless her everyway I can. I want her. 

#2. Speaking of the Brady Bunch… I loved their house. As a kid I feel in love with the sunken living room and the staircase and all the room. Please God, can I have house if I can’t have Alice?

#3. I have dreamt of back packing through Europe with only jeans and a jean jacket! Seeing all the great Art galleries and taking pictures of architecture and eating at the most amazing side street cafes! For sure a real desire!!

#4. Money… I would love to bless my family and help others and support ministries and causes… oh to have money! I’m not interested in furs or jewels..but to have $ to make a difference. To bless others in small ways and big ways.. wouldn’t that be cool? OK..perhaps this is as fantasy as ‘world peace’… so I’ll opt for a family holiday with everyone in a cool place where everybody can enjoy themselves.. and we have an amazing memorable holiday! …. Perhaps still fantasy? J

#5. Whew… my last wish… lose weight? New car?  Hmmm… this is a hard one… oh I know… my own business..lol.. perhaps this store, perhaps a restaurant… perhaps the 2 combined.. but yep that’s it! My own successful business!

 Tania..what's your list?

important right now Friday

being gentle with ourselves is important. listening to the wise voice rather than the condeming voice is very important

snow days are amazing therapeutic gifts in the middle of winter

rubber boots are cold, so wear warm socks

anticipating  spring is very sustaining during the last few weeks of winter

weekends are important for my mental health, i need to protect them

this too shall pass on repeat can be helpful

medicine sometimes makes you sicker before it makes you better

hugs help

affirmations work!

unconditional love is hard work

searching for and finding gratitude in all things is learned slowly and with persistence

i love the connection i am able to have with my friends through facebook and email

happy mail is just that, happy

my children are really, really great!

my husband is amazing and i am blessed every.single.day with his love for me

i can't control the actions and reactions of others and that is okay

being nauseated all day sucks. but it is good for portion control

storm watching is a powerful way to remember the power of god

connection is important..with ourself and with those closest to us

this too shall pass.

a good friend can make all the difference in my day

have a wonderful, restful, therapeutic weekend suzy. do something just for you. and tell me about it next time you blog. i am thrilled to hear your numbers are coming down. this is good news! 

love tania

March 3^rd  2011    Blog #?   Confessions and dreams of a middle age woman

Dear Tania

        

Meet my family… we are not perfect! In fact we are sometimes downright miserable because… well we are people. We forget at times the love that binds us to each other. We forget that we love each other so much we would do anything for each other.

             

Crazy things have happened in our family. Things that shouldn’t happen.. but through the worst of it, we still love each other. We encourage each other by sharing our hearts and our words to uplift and exhort.

We try to hold each other accountable. Sometimes the lines get blurred and we forget that each person has to discover their own way.

 That forcing a person just doesn’t work! Love is letting people make mistakes and helping to pick up the pieces when things don’t work out. And when things do work out, perhaps admitting that just maybe ~ they had a good idea and their way did work.

              Family is not about perfection but process. It’s not about getting but giving. It’s not about leaving but loving. It’s about sharing not shouting. It’s about saying sorry not ‘see I told you so’…It’s about perspective not pointing.

           

   Memories! Good Memories! Forgiveness, friendship, fellowship and finding time.

 I love my family. I love that each person is unique and on their own journey. That stretches me to look to God not people. Teaches me to see the Grace of God in them and me.

 

Learning that God is in the small moments that we connect...
when we understand each other. When we don't take each other for granted.



 

on the topic of gardening....

on the topic of gardening i could talk forever.

however, we can do that when we see each other face to face.

here are my quick and immediate thoughts...and it really has to do with life more than gardening but the two are suprisingly intertwined i have noticed.

any change we make needs to be sustainable.

wanting to change our impact on the world by gardening is probably one of the most rewarding and satisfying ways to do so if we do it slowly and properly.

otherwise, we get discouraged, give up, and hesitate to try to do something new the next time we are impassioned by a belief or cause.

start small.

really small.

grow what you eat.

in our house, that means lots of beans. owen loves garden beans. hannah loves garden beans. the rest of us eat them. they are good for us.

it's a daily thing, gardening is, during the growing season. make time for it in your schedule. every day!

kinda like taking care of ourselves, growing our faith, is a daily thing, everyday!

search out local farmer markets and farms

change one thing at a time for sustainablility

start by buying local, organic eggs. we can all do that right now. today.

then start buying organic milk

our budget is a reality

so it bears consideration when making decisions about changing our lifstyles and habits.

then buy organic meat

and once all of that feels normal, add something more in. Of course, these may not be the choices you make, but you get the idea.

my list looks like this:

grow lots of beans

don't drink cows milk at all

only eat meat 3x a week or so because we can't afford to buy organic meat yet

rejoice when owen goes away for 3 days to fish, filling the freezer with salmon

don't grow onions again this year...not worth the space

as for you starting a garden...yay!

plant equal amounts of flowers to encourage pollinators

and besides,

they are beautiful and abby can put them in little jars

plants need healthy soil, sunlight and regular watering

that's where the daily habit comes in...early morning is best, really early, like 6am

start a compost!

grow lots of beans and tomatoes as they are companion plants and like each other

beans can be frozen if you get a bumper crop\

tomatoes can be canned if you get a bumper crop

check your local frost dates

talk to the neighbours

seek out farming groups in your area....

but for now,

buy happy eggs from happy chickens!



on another note, i am concerned about your BP and would like to know that you are being diligent about taking care of yourself. I know from experience that we need to listen to our bodies and I think yours might be trying to tell you something.....?!?

i love you suzy!

be kind to yourself, there isn't another you!

Feb 27^th  2011    Blog #?   Confessions and dreams of a middle age woman

Dear Tania

             

This is off topic.. sort of.. but fits into the being more responsible and aware.. I watched a video that is highly disturbing.. I could not even watch it all the way through.. and yes of course it has an agenda to push but like Food Inc it also reveals a great deal about Food and who we purchase from. It has made me even more committed to finding local sources for food. (I’m turning into you..lol.. :) But seriously Tania I know that you have a lot of info in this area and I’m wondering if you have tips and pointers that you could share... How do I find local farmers and producers?

         How do I get in touch with the ‘real seeds’  like no modified seeds.. my sister (you’d love her.. miss organic save the planet.. ;) and I are going to get a garden going.. I just feel well out of touch as to how to begin, where to begin.. I need some direction.

Farm to Fridge - The Truth Behind Meat Production

www.youtube.com

In other ways, doing good. Still menopausel (heart racing as I read this) Went to the Dr. Again today.. she wants to rule out ‘mono’ ... I’m returning to her next week to discuss blood pressure because mine in 179 over 107 on average for the past 20 days... and apparently that needs aggressive treatment. And so I am becoming more aware in all these areas. * Your rubbing off on me Tania J

Ok.. gonna go make supper.

Enjoy your night.

Suzy