Friday, December 28, 2012

saying goodbye...part 1

i adore new beginnings and the hope they hold
but i also
savour the sweet memories of yesterdays.
this year
this 2012 year
was to be the year of wellness.
the year to rest and repair and learn what it meant to care for myself.
this year was to be the year
where our family repaired and returned to itself
and our children,
all of them,
would find lives that were filled with love and safety.
this year
this 2012 year
was to be the year of abundant gardens,
daily art journaling,
chicken rearing,
canning and baking.
this year was to be the year of gratitude
and generosity and letter writing and love sharing.
this year has been a year like no other
and for that i am most grateful.
i want to be continually growing and changing and stretching
and i have been.
this has been a very good year.
all of what it was to be
of course
it hasn't been.
i am still to unwell to return to work
to return to much of anything really.
and i struggle and chaff and hit up against this reality daily,
so much so that my body feels bruised and worn
as if I have been in the fight of my life.
i need to surrender more to this place i reside in.
this year was a re connecting journey
with my curly haired girl.
it was a rocky start
and there were months of anguished pleads and prayers
but oh my how i love her so.
how i delight in spending my days with her.
how privilidged i feel that now
she chooses family.
she delightes in our company as much as we do in hers.
a gift.
truly a gift.
the garden didn't grow as it could have
and there was disappointment
and discouragement
the chickens thrived and
are a humourous and delightful part of our lives.
letters were written
and are written
and that is a whole post
the life changing practice of letter writing.
i am slowly saying goodbye to 2012
this week.
noticing what I am able to let go of easily
and the parts that are clinging to me
get a gentle second look.
this has been a good year.
a harder than hard year
but the abundance of my life
blankets the pain,
the sadness,
the struggle,
 the disapointments,
and i am left
warm and secure
in what has been.


  1. I think what you are learning is what I am learning also.. to live in teh moment, find joy in the simpliest of things, be grateful and thankful for our children and celebrate each little thing with them.. let go of the madness of keeping up with anything except the basics like laundry.. hah ha.., and remain grateful. Not bitter. Not selfish.. but try to make today the best possible day... within the limitations that have been given us..

  2. I always enjoy your reflective year-end and new-year posts...