it looks like Christmas..

 

but it doesn't quite feel like Christmas.

 

Does that make sense to anyone else but me?

there is a whole lot of hurt going on

in this world

and it has become a bit of a constant uphill climb

for me

to not just roll down to the bottom of the hill

and become overwhelmed.

 

this has happened to me before

i am aware of others at the best of times

but  it also has to do alot

 with my own personal wellness levels.

if i am hurting

i am super tuned to all those hurting around me

anywhere.

in the whole world.

not just my immediate family

or neighbourhood or community.

it stretches far and wide

and you know,

as i do,

that the more we notice the sadness of humanity

the more we will find.

and so,

i drag myself part way up the hill

and do what i can here.

in my home,

in my neighbourhood,

in my community.

i send emails to orphanages in Thailand

hoping to make a difference even there

when we go

and i trust that others are doing the same

because i know i am not the only one

who feels compelled to change the world.

 

this is why it doesn't feel alot like christmas

because i am scurring around

 trying to dam up all the holes

 in the people i see

and

there are yet to be presents under the tree

and the house smells more like boy than gingerbread.

 

so i stop and take a deep breathe

 and remember

to keep it simple here

and to make memories here

 and to celebrate

that we are here

 together as a family.

 

 

 

i don't stop caring

and helping others

i just bring it into balance again

and i trust.

 

 

 next week we will holiday bake

and holiday shop

and wrap and make merry.

and i will trust that i have done all i can do

to make the world brighter

and i will soak up

the family love that fills our house.

 

(i am so grateful for my family, so grateful, like bubble over grateful you know?)