Monday, January 7, 2013

watching the bloom

we are leaving
for our trip to Thailand
and each time
 i let my heart remember
why we are going,
i am overcome
with gratitude
and so amazed by grace.
yes we are going to see the elephant
and the floating market
and we will be visiting a temple or three
and most certainly
we are going to soak up the sun
and marvel at the landscape and the
kindness of the people.
we are going for a much needed holiday.
a break.
but the reason we are going
is where the grace comes in.
when the curly haired girl returned home
last December we were starting anew.
there were thin threads that connected us and
we all were neck-deep in the trauma of the Fall.
she and i needed a way to reconnect to each other.
we needed to become bound together again
and we did so by dreaming.
of Thailand
such a small fragile seed that was,
cupped in my hands and breathed over with hope.
we spoke often,
sitting on the couch, sharing pots of tea
of our love of travel
*she has been to Costa Rica and Mexico before*
and we found common excitement and purpose
together again.
tiny dream
that now, a year later is
26 hours away from becoming a reality.
a year ago,
the idea of owen, hannah and i
doing anything together
was so far from what we were experiencing.
my journal entries remind me of the silence, the anger, the begrudging exchanges.
yet now,
i watch as she chooses
family over and over again
i listen as laughter rings through our home
and i anticipate a trip that not only
connects us with elephants and the beauty of Thailand
but a trip that will
bind our hearts even tighter than they already are.
so much grace has been given to us.
i am beyond grateful for our second chance together
as a mama and her girl.


  1. Replies
    1. Thank you Heather! I shall miss this space.

  2. Bon voyage! Take lots of pictures!

  3. Tania, the role of mom is the toughest role. We need to be soft like silk, yet as strong as steel.. how can the two reside in the same body? Grace, hope, faith, and lets not forget patience... that is what we eat. What nourishes our heart.. what makes it possible to be both soft and strong. Being a mom, the thing that has brought me the most joy and love, is also what has brought me the deepest hurt and pain. Sometimes I really dislike the hat, but I always love the child. Can a person be such a mix of opposites...