and i knew...

 

he asked me what i wanted to do for my

birthday this year.

always a conversation that can go sideways pretty quick

but ideas tumbled out of my mouth

and i found myself being saturated with a feeling of

sweet anticipation.

 

i knew then,

what i thought i knew the day before.

 

i have made peace with my birth story.

 

and there is a ligthness to my steps and a fresh energy

that is following me and there are sweet spaces opening up inside of me

making room for new experiences.

 

i have laboured over my birth and adoption  story for two long years.

much longer really,

but it wasn't something i understood fully until i faced the feelings head on.

i have travelled deeply into that time in my life

and i understand myself much better as a result.

 

my triggers make sense.

and while they are there still,

when i feel the reaction

instead of pushing it away or not understanding

or worse yet, blaming,

now,

 i can see that all is well.

i am able to observe myself

and love that little baby part of me and just let it be.

 

i am grateful for the journey

but even more grateful to see what is ahead.

 

and

i think i might just have a birthday party this year

and enjoy it!