Oh Victor.

yup. this was penned for me.

i love

that the constant sream of photos i take and post and clog up my instagram and my facebook with give me a reminder of the gloriousness of my life.

i love that i can capture the colours, the "feel" of the moments, the time spent.

i wish i could capture the fragrances for you and myself...

bottling them up to open on a dark and dreary winter day.

a sudden infusion of lemon and spicy chives

or the fruit loop scent of the lilacs after the rain.

oh,

 i can imagine a row of beautiful jars labeled and just waiting to share their aroma with us.

i feel as though i am creating a visual diary of my days

and along with my journaling and blogging

i will be able to look back and remember and see where i have been and how far i have come.

and i will be able to counter those negative voices and remind them that actually,

my life was and is beautiful and important and full of the values i hold dear.

the photos prove it to be so,

 even when the negative gremlins try to convince me otherwise.

that said,

i don't ever want to represent my life as one that is filled only with garden adventures and beach fires and balloon filled evenings with my girl.

life is hard.

and the photos don't capture the reality of what happens when the phone is down and the tears are flowing and the late night calls are coming and the pain is too much and life seems dreary and flat.

i would actually like to figure out a way to capture glimpses of that story because those are the moments that really call for gratitude and deep love and commitment

. those are the moments when real life is taking place.

the beauty of my life is balanced with the struggle

and the harder the struggle the more beauty i seek out and find.

the more wild flowers i pick, the more i can pour a balm over the exhaustion and sorrow of the darker places we walk through together as a family.

i just need to be real.

 to remember that the images i share tell one story.

but not the whole story.

not yet.