here's the thing.
i assumed that this was going to be a short term relationship.
i didn't really understand what the diagnosis meant.
and i ignored them,
at least the parts i could ignore,
for the first few years anyhow.
why make friends with something that is just going to go away
there didn't need to be an acceptance or understanding because
i believed this was a temporary thing.
you can be a bitter pill to swallow.
oh beloved hindsight
i realize it is time to shed some light,
accept some definitions and confess
that i spend a whole lot of time on the couch.
chronic illnesses by definition
are ones that
they go into remission if one is fortunate
and they take long vacations from your body
if one is fortunate
they reside within you
and i don't know about you,
but if something is sticking around for the rest of my life,
we are going to need to come to peace with each other.
what is means to be
living with a chronic illness
is not easily understood
and it is hard,
i now understand
to know what to do.
what to say.
how to be
with someone who has one.
(i am tricky and that can make navigation challenging)
we want to see people well. whole. thriving.
when that doesn't happen it gets confusing.
and it hurts and we want to fix and find solutions.
i appreciate that and
i am very confused most days with all of this and wish there was an easy fix.
(but i am tricky and that can make navigating solutions challenging)
there are articles and books and support forums and all sorts of advice
that floats around and diets and plans, and miracle cures, and manifesting and positive thinking strategies,
there are herbs and supplements and prayer groups
miracles do happen
but the reality is
some things remain.
(perhaps that is the miracle...abiding and remaining)
and while they remain the goal is to live as well as possible.
not necessarily physically well,
but emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, creatively
to sing the bravest song
even if you sing
only from the couch.
if you would like to
read more about living with chronic illness
(there are a lot of people who do)
the metaphore is a good one
(better than my vines from the other day)