Tuesday, August 30, 2011

finding my rhythm

i am on holidays in ontario
to celebrate
(and decorate and photograph)
the wedding of owen's sister becky.
there are lots of us staying at John's parents farm house
 here in rural ontario.

it is hot and clear
and there are crickets and chickens and peacocks
and fields of corn and a babbling creek
we are sleeping in bedrooms that once belonged to
children and have treasures still on the walls and sitting on shelves.
the kitchen is crowded and full of many conversations
and lists of wedding plans are found

and in the middle of this
i am finding out
alot about myself
and how to find my rhythm.
rubbing shoulders with beloved family members
is a sure way to feel connected.
sitting outside alone
is also a sure way to feel connected
there is a balance between coming together
and being apart
i felt awkward this morning when i really
wanted to be alone
for just a few moments
but once i allowed that to happen
i reilized that i had so much more to give
when we were all together again.

i am seeing
that i need a balance
of outside and inside
together and apart
just owen and i
just hannah and i
just i.

for some people i think it is easy to do what you need to do.
but for me,
as someone who is always observing and registering
the moods and needs
 and feelings of those around me
i am unable to sometimes think
 about what i need
what is it that helps me balance my day?
without the distractions of work and home,
vacations can show us who we really are
underneath the busyness.
i am discovering a me that i didn't know existed
and i think i like her.

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