April 18th  2011  

Blog #35  Confessions and dreams of a middle age woman  

Dear Tania

Been thinking a lot about choices… ours and gods. I want to share a devotion with you that illustrates well what I have been thinking about…

 

Woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! (v. 24)

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 Judas's betrayal is the fulfillment of God's own plan: The Son of Man goes as it is written of him, says Jesus. Or as Peter put it in his Pentecost sermon, Jesus was delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God (Acts 2:23). Yet Judas is responsible for, and must suffer the consequences of, his treachery: Woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that man if he had not been born. On the one hand, Judas is a player acting out his part in a drama written by God before the foundation of the universe. But on the other hand, Judas is responsible for doing what the plan has him do. How can that be? If the deed is inevitable, how can Judas be responsible? And if Judas is responsible, how can the deed be inevitable?

     How responsible are we for our sins and failings? On the one hand, we are solely responsible. On the other hand, there are factors in life over which we have no control: heredity, genetics, IQ, environment. Don't they to some degree affect our decisions? Of course they do.

      We are responsible for what we do. We shape life. But life also shapes us, and we are at the mercy of factors over which we have no control. And somewhere in that paradox we live out our lives. All the more reason to pray daily for God's mercy and guidance.

 Lord, lead me. Guide me. Use me. For your glory and for my good. Amen.

Of course the devotion does not answer the complex question of what is God’s choice and what is ours. Do we live out what has been already predetermined… how much leeway is there? I have wondered about this many times. Are we ‘set up’ for failure or success by the ‘things’ put into us before our first day is even done. How much of what we choose is actually choice? Does it matter in the end?

                                     

                      ....... We have no control…

 Ahhh, the illusion of control. And if we have no ‘real’ control over choices then that brings doubt to God’s character as to if he really is fair or just… of course these are our limited concepts put against an infinite, complex being that we can’t even begin to comprehend…

 So then we are back to trust. Either we trust God or we don’t. How can we know if God is trustworthy?      Experience.             His faithfulness to us.

So we trust. With limited vision, limited understanding, with unanswered questions, we ‘simply’ trust.

My prayer: God, with all of my limitations both natural, spiritual, and intellectual… help me to trust you more… because it seems that is all I possibly can do, in this journey of faith…