Sunday, April 3, 2011

a question or two.

happy sunday morning suzy!
here are the questions i am pondering right now:
why do we do things we don't have to do? especially if those choices are not benefiting us?
what keeps us from being brave enough to let go? to try something that promotes wellness?
why do we place so much of our identity in our work? in our busyness? in making others happy?
how do we get to the place of freedom in our lives? how do we make decisions that are healthy?
how do we shut off our past fears and patterns to make room for new opportunity?
so yea,
that's what I am wrestling with..
i need to make some decisions regarding my work and my health
and i need to make them super soon and i am feeling the squeeze between logic and emotion
i am hearing the past fears and patterns try to get the upper hand and in my tired, exhausted state
it is possible i am letting them win.
tea today with a wise friend who knows me inside and out
and hearing her responses to my situation
(if we can call it that)
 made me question
myself. (not in a negative, bad tania way), but in a familiar,
that is what i would say to anyone i cared about way
 so why am i not able to accept for myself that which i truly believe others deserve.

this photo of hannah is one of my favorites.
it speaks of freedom, carefree, happy, joyful moments...
i am seeking some of those right now
and some answers..
i wonder if i care about myself enough to make the right decisions
if i am brave enough?
i will keep you posted!

1 comment:

  1. Tania, it is funny that I wrote my blog and posted it first, then came back to read yours because I did not have a chance yet... funny considering teh topics are totally related yet unknown to each other at teh time of writing...

    I see freedom from heaviness in Abby
    God grace
    Gods mercy
    i can't take credit
    she would not claim any either
    she followed us her against her will bringin with her bags of pain and hurt
    we saw her pain turning into anger
    turning into punishing herself
    i felt helpless
    i cried out to god like i had done many times before
    nothing was different.. except god.
    he choose to reach down and lift her burden off her
    now she is free again to smile
    why now? why not? who can understand the ways of God
    all i know is am am thankful!
    my heart swells with thankfulness
    and that is where i want to stay... thankful!