Friday, March 30, 2012

the shoe doesn't always drop.

part of this whole living in the present practice
that i'm working on
involves not bringing baggage along and also
not borrowing trouble.

being here right now and counting the blessings and gifts
allows me to fully engage in daily living.
and by accepting that tomorrow may not look or feel like today
helps me hold today precious.
like a gift.
because it is one.

i have learned during these past eight years with owen
that the shoe doesn't always drop.
there are individuals in my life that are exactly as they appear to be.
kind and dedicated and even tempered.
loving and forgiving and accepting.
and for no reason other than that they love me.

i have stopped waiting to meet the "other side" of people
because not everyone has one and the looking diminishes the experiences that are happening today.

this is also true with my children.
right now, life is calm. peaceful. safe.
and right now, we are spending alot of time together
and this is good.
i love that our living room looks like a creative labratory
where Hannah and I have been spending the past few days
making garden plans, travel plans, art experiences
and sharing endless cups of tea.

i could worry about what is next in her life.
in my life.
i could hold resentments and fears based on our past year together.
i could be guarded and stingy with my time.
i could spend these precious days
waiting for that shoe.

or like with owen,
i can choose to embrace every good moment as just that -
a good moment.
and those good moments add up and become days of good moments
and before you know it when someone asks
"how was your day?"
all that comes to mind is a whole string of twinkly goodness and
days become weeks and then months and years.

or i could stew about the next big crisis
which may or may not come.
and in the process of all that stewing
miss out on the wonderful exchanges that are happening today.

i want to take people at face value.
for who they are, now, as we spend time together.
i want to let go of past stories and i want to be a part of changing  endings.
i want to believe with my whole heart that there is always good if we look hard enough.

that is part of my living in the now, living in the present moment work.
and it is work. no joke about that.
 remaining here is sometimes harder than returning to the past or jumping into the future.
however, here is where i want to be.

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