because it has never been my desire or intention to search for my birth mother
i have access only to the public files that are held of my birth, my parents adoption process and my birth parents non identifying information.
it still makes up for 50 some odd pages of reading.
i ordered them years ago and have read them a few times
but when i read through them again last night
with fresh intention and bright eyes
i found enough nuggets of information to answer my questions and piece together a story i can make peace with.
my birth mother's name was Jaynee.
i should not know that.
it is whited out on every line except in one description.
"...is 5'2" tall and weighs about 105lbs. she is a very cute, bright looking young girl with brown hair worn short and bright, and bright, shiney brown eyes. Although considers her complexion to be dark because it tans easily, worker believes her complexion would be medium to fair. It is very clear and Jaynee has rosy cheeks much of the time.
hello Jaynee! Thanks for taking such care of me for 9 long months. I appreciate you.
"since her arrival at Maywood some three months ago, she has had weekly telephone conversations with her parents...her adjustment to the maywood maternity Home has been good in that she gets along well with alot of the girls there and has done her best to keep herslf active in the activities they provide and involved in their program so that she does not have excess amount of time on her hands."
she spent a long time at the maternity home and interestingly, her parents moved to the entire family to Mission just before she went into the home in Vancouver. Despite their close proximity there was only one visit between Jaynee and her family during the three month confinment. I was so happy to see that she was able to talk on the phone with her mom so often.
" and dated steadily for a period of over a year. Her family moved to Mission, late last summer and since that time she has not seen in person, however, they have corresponded regularly. and his mother are providing full support during the time she is in the Maywood Maternity Home. In addition to this, has been sending her spending money which he has earned on his part time job."
this sounds to me like two teenagers trying to do the right thing the only way they knew how.
i can weave that nicely into my story. i believe strongly in doing the right thing the best way you can. even if it is hard. and at 16, this was hard.
so there she is.
and i believe that having just enough information is enough for me.
there is more of course, but these are the passages that stood out to me as i read.
i feel like she made the best of a tough situation.
that she found the gifts in being where she was, she reached out and she remained connected.
those are characteristics i am proud to share with her.
tomorrow, she gives birth.