(those bracelets and that starbucks cup tell a story)
i am changing.
i am an observer and always noticing.
"did you see that? wow! look over there!"
this is how my brain works.
i am very engaged in viewing my world.
this goes for the sky, buildings, signs, the trees,
what's in the ditch,
and noticing people, well, there is so much to see!
their clothes and how well they fit or perhaps how sloppy the shirt is, hair and the perfect cut or perhaps the lack of hair product, fabulous shoes or holey ones, lack of makeup or too much makeup or just the perfect amount for her, piercings and other jewlery adornments, physical stature and size,
freckles, wrinkles, chipped nail polish or perfectly manicured hands, muddy, worn work pants or a business suit.
all those attributes we see and then catagorize people almost without even reilizing it.
(that list makes me sound like i am very focused on outward appearances.)
i am not.
but i do notice and often, sadly,
there has been
assumption and unintentional judgement attached to my observations.
this is changing. somewhat deliberately and also as one of the gifts that arrives with life lessons in humility.
i am trying to see the story behind the person before i decide that the person is just what i am seeing.
i am trying to remember that the clothes, the hair, the pericings, the shoes, the size
whatever it is i see and register as meaning something in my mind may not be, often is not all that accurate.
i might actually want to reserve judgement and assumption until i become aquainted with the person and who they are.
it's very presumptious of me to make judgements based on appearance and yet i find that it is something that i do.
innocently enough and without malice but judgement it is all the same.
i know better.
i have felt the sting and loneliness of false judgement.
the judgement that comes when people forget to ask my story.
and i watch it happen time and time again with my own children and other people i know.
there must be a balance.
i know. i can hear some of my dear friends and family gently telling me that it does matter and we need to care about the impression we make. i get that. i do. really.
i know that life is hard enough and for individuals who express themselves through alternative dress and adornments, judgement is going to come faster and they are going to have to work harder to show their true selves.
opportunities may be limited and there are enough limits already right?
we get caught up by all the outward stories we tell and see
forgetting about the inside verses.
the ones that make us really who we are.
because if we took away all the clothes and the hair and everything else,
wouldn't we still be who we are? wouldn't our true selves still exist?
of course we would.
that's what i'm trying to get to.
seeing the true self of someone.
i guess i just want to change. i want to be someone who doesn't make quick decisions about people because of what they look like. i want to see their heart first, hear their story, learn from them, share with openeness and i want to stop getting caught up judging others.
i want to see the story first. retrain my eyes to see differently.
but, i also really want a good hair cut soon,
and i would love some brown tights so i can wear that hippy dress i bought.
so you see, it's always a process with me.
finding the balance. figuring it out.
trying to become truer to me.