Thursday, January 26, 2012

i had an "ahha" moment today.

it occured as i was cooking dinner,
just a moment ago.

earlier today
i spent a few hours in the company of a good friend.
the kind of friend who has seen you at your best
and your worst.
it was awesome.
just what i needed today.

but that's not the ahha moment.
it was during our visit
when two mutual friends walked into the coffee shop
and we all happily connected briefly with hugs and how are you's and all the usual greetings that are exchanged.

off they went
treasure hunting
and we continued our tea.
chatting about books and jobs and the human condition.

tonight as i am cooking dinner i am thinking
random thoughts and suddenly i reilized this.

because i am chosing to learn to walk an authentic life
i share my story
in a fairly honest and personal way here on this blog
and in my daily interactions with people.
i am far more honest than i have ever been about
my struggles, my journey, my blessings
and the ugly-beautiful
transformations that occur every day.

so today,
in that coffee shop,
when we exchanged the usual pleasantries
it felt deeper than normal.
i looked into their eyes as they asked
"how are you?"
a casual, standard greeting we all use everyday.

but when they asked,
i knew that they knew
they might not get the standard answer
because as a sharer of my life
they know
at least partially,
my ugly-beautiful stories.
they were aware that my answer could go either way.
and it could remain simple and sincere
which it did because that was what was appropriate for the setting
but it could have gone deeper.
and they would have been okay with that i think
because they have witnessed me
in my vulnerable spots
through the stories i share.

this is what just clicked for me.
when i share my stories
when i am vulnerable and honest
it doesn't mean people will think less of me.
there isn't going to be crazy judgement
there is going to be a deeper connection
during every day encounters.
people are going to connect deeply with one another when we
share the truth about our lives.
we are going to look at each other
and see understanding and acceptance and love.
that's what i witnessed today,
they might not even reilize
what occured for me there today.
but it did.
i have taken risks with my writing
and in exchange,
i have received love.

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