this afraid part can be very noisy sometimes...

this afraid part,

when you are not sure where you are heading

and when you will be back

can be very noisy sometimes.

filling my head with scary thoughts

and deep insecurities

and noisy lies.

this afraid part

can stop me in my tracks.

cancel all my plans and hopes and dreams

for the day.

this afraid part

shouts and whispers words

and thoughts that are untrue

but they freeze me up just the same.

shouts and whispers

words that are heavy and dark and unkind

selfish, alone, lost, useless, forgotten, weak, sick, afraid

this afraid part

has always been a part of me

and used to come out to play with my heart and my soul and my head

almost every day

but for a while,

a long while,

this has not been the case.

and i did not invite this afraid part to play today

but she came anyway

right when i got out of bed.

how rude is that?

i hadn't even had my tea

or said my prayers

or anything.

she just came.

uninvited.

so i shall ask her to leave

i tried earlier but with no success

so i shall ask again.

with the bravery i have deep within

and she will leave.

this afraid part

will not define me today.