Thursday, January 19, 2012


there is a great freedom that comes
from owning our own stories
and having the freedom to rewrite them.

was a tough day.
not gonna lie.
my six word summary
(part of my 41 day collaborative)
hot tears ran down her face

it would have been easy to blame the curly haired girl
or the colitis
or the financial restaints we are learning to live with
or the snow
or a multitude of other happenings, conditions or circumstances.

but you know what,
it was me.
my choices.
my reactions.
my lack of ability
(for yesterday at least)
to walk away, find some space, keep my mouth shut, take pain medication
do what i needed to do for myself.

i chose to engage
and i didn't need to.
she was fine. she was being a teenage girl,
who despite our minor squabbles,
cleared the driveway of snow
was a gracious and loving host to her aunt during a visit
while, i sobbing and undone, hid in my room
 (sorry Corrie)

my life is so abundant and rich.
i am surrounded by beauty and a natural environment that feeds my soul.
i am blessed with a loving family
and a circle of friends who adore me.
and most days, i deal very well with chronic pain
and a ridiculously limited diet.

i forgot that i am the writer of my story.
i choose the direction the day will go.
and i am grateful for the reminder.
i am thankful that i can still cry hot tears
and then move forward,
make my apologies,
immerse myself in love
and finish another day.
i am grateful i have a family
that extends grace and love to me
day after day.
and i am blessed that today
the story is being written very differently.

has the situation changed much?
i still have the unending pain
and the teenager girl
and the tight budget
and whatever else i could, but won't  search for that might be tough
my perspective is right again.
i am choosing the path of gratitude and abundance and much love.

and oh how good that hug felt this morning from the teenage girl
and how blessed i felt to be able to drive the man-boy to the dentist
and how wonderful it is to have honey to add to my kefir
and how beautiful it is outside - all sparkly and bright.

i have a beautiful life
hot tears and all.


  1. And I was thinking, "I am so glad we're so good with each other that she doesn't feel like she has to come down if she isn't up to it!" Don't apologize, you might ruin it... ;)