yesterday!

there is a great freedom that comes

from owning our own stories

and having the freedom to rewrite them.

yesterday

was a tough day.

not gonna lie.

my six word summary

(part of my 41 day collaborative)

was

hot tears ran down her face

and

it would have been easy to blame the curly haired girl

or the colitis

or the financial restaints we are learning to live with

or the snow

or a multitude of other happenings, conditions or circumstances.

but you know what,

it was me.

my choices.

my reactions.

my lack of ability

(for yesterday at least)

to walk away, find some space, keep my mouth shut, take pain medication

do what i needed to do for myself.

i chose to engage

and i didn't need to.

she was fine. she was being a teenage girl,

who despite our minor squabbles,

cleared the driveway of snow

and

was a gracious and loving host to her aunt during a visit

while, i sobbing and undone, hid in my room

 (sorry Corrie)

my life is so abundant and rich.

i am surrounded by beauty and a natural environment that feeds my soul.

i am blessed with a loving family

and a circle of friends who adore me.

and most days, i deal very well with chronic pain

and a ridiculously limited diet.

yesterday,

i forgot that i am the writer of my story.

i choose the direction the day will go.

and i am grateful for the reminder.

i am thankful that i can still cry hot tears

and then move forward,

make my apologies,

immerse myself in love

and finish another day.

i am grateful i have a family

that extends grace and love to me

day after day.

and i am blessed that today

the story is being written very differently.

has the situation changed much?

no,

i still have the unending pain

and the teenager girl

and the tight budget

and whatever else i could, but won't  search for that might be tough

but

my perspective is right again.

i am choosing the path of gratitude and abundance and much love.

and oh how good that hug felt this morning from the teenage girl

and how blessed i felt to be able to drive the man-boy to the dentist

and how wonderful it is to have honey to add to my kefir

and how beautiful it is outside - all sparkly and bright.

i have a beautiful life

hot tears and all.