Wednesday, January 18, 2012

they are not mini-me's

i need to remember.
i need to remember that they are not me.
i need to remind myself
 that my identity and emotionally stability
needs to not rest in them.
they are not  mini me's.
i will be disappointed time and time again
if i expect my children
to be miniature copies of myself
or even of what i hold to be true and dear to my heart.
they have their own desires and habits and ways of viewing the world.
they speak a different heart and head language than i do.
they are still on their own journey
just as i am on mine.

i continually have to remember
to lay down the ownership, the false sense of responsibility,
the pride,
the lies that we are told and tell ourselves
 and believe about
"what good families look like"
the false belief  that when there is conflict
it must mean dysfunction or damaged people
and that any sign of conflict must be immediately dealt with

why does it never just mean things that are simple to fix
cabin fever or pms or not enough protein.
or boredom or the rocky road of adolescence.

why do i
(i don't know about you)
 in particular so quickly forget
and stop trusting
that we are okay.
we are more than okay.

why must this parenting relationship be so fraught
with scary big words and assumptions.

can't we just be having a bad day?

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