they are not mini-me's

i need to remember.

i need to remember that they are not me.

i need to remind myself

 that my identity and emotionally stability

needs to not rest in them.

they are not  mini me's.

i will be disappointed time and time again

if i expect my children

to be miniature copies of myself

or even of what i hold to be true and dear to my heart.

they have their own desires and habits and ways of viewing the world.

they speak a different heart and head language than i do.

they are still on their own journey

just as i am on mine.

i continually have to remember

to lay down the ownership, the false sense of responsibility,

the pride,

the lies that we are told and tell ourselves

 and believe about

"what good families look like"

or

the false belief  that when there is conflict

it must mean dysfunction or damaged people

and that any sign of conflict must be immediately dealt with

but

why does it never just mean things that are simple to fix

like

cabin fever or pms or not enough protein.

or boredom or the rocky road of adolescence.

why do i

(i don't know about you)

 in particular so quickly forget

and stop trusting

that we are okay.

we are more than okay.

why must this parenting relationship be so fraught

with scary big words and assumptions.

can't we just be having a bad day?