fragile

 

fragile happens to me

when i have forgotten.

i have been so busy loving on others and keeping my days filled to the brim

that i have forgotten

forgotten to remember me.

i have neglected the me

the girl that still has the tiny voice

whispering

"take time..take time"

 

i find it easy to love others

and i delight in the moments.

i wouldn't trade them for anything

yet

i need to also love on myself.

daily.

those moments of tea at starbucks,

the getting lost in the library moments

they are missed when i forget i love them

and need them.

 

we speak of self love

and i listen

to myself and others

 i listen well

but the words don't always sink in

it would seem.

 i will for a few days, or weeks even

take greater care

of my health

my heart

my soul

my mind

 

but then i let myself get squeezed out again

and i become

fragile.

 

today is a fragile day.

this is not a suprise to me

because while i may lack in consistent

self love

i am very self aware 

recognizing the patterns in my life..

 

weeks filled with love filled experiences

leaves little time for

self love.

 

today

i spent all morning in my journal

as this helps repair me

 

today

i listened to worship music and sang along

because despite not attending a house of worship

i have a rock solid love affair with my Jesus.

this repairs me.

 

today

i ignore the dishes, and the canner sitting on the stove

from my burst of energy yesterday, 

i don't worry about dinner plans

and i consider having a bath in the middle of the day.

these actions repair me.

 

 

today i choose to seek out beauty

in my surrounding

 in myself and others.

today i deliver gifts and mail letters.

these offerings of love repair me

(because my heart truly is happiest when i am giving to others.)

these little moments didn't result in my fragile state growing but instead

helped me feel strong again.

weary still?

yes,

of course,

but

 stronger

 than the fragile girl i began my day with