every once in a while i slip out of the habit of recording my gratitude's.
or i forget to speak them out loud during conversations
and sometimes instead of the cheerful running of love going through my mind,
i find it gets all jumbly and grumpy up there.
most often though,
i am a very devout follower of the gratitude way.
(i just made that up, it's not an official thing at all)
to the point that i hear myself responding with
almost an excessive optimism.
a Pollyanna type of optimism
(before we roll our eyes, let's remember that she changed a whole town!)
we were at my brother's museum last week and i met a dear friend of his,
who asked about my health
and i heard myself rattle off that "yes,
it is a long journey
but i have learned so much, and i am so grateful for this time off to be with my family, that i am grateful for the chance to not be working (?)
and it really could be much worse, and while, no I had no idea of what will happen next for me,
i honestly don't think about it much..."
he looked a little confused.
i actually laughed at myself.
but you know what.
it works! it totally works.
i am not in denial about my life, my circumstances, the struggles of those i hold dear to my heart
i am aware of the pain and suffering that resides in me and in those all around me.
i can feel people's grief radiating towards me.
i know that i have a choice of how i am going to respond each time life erupts around me.
gratitude works for me as a practice because the act of positive thinking, re- framing and seeing the bright side of every situations results in just that.
the bright side.
it's always there,
not always right away, and certainly not all the time
but when i sit to write my list at the end of the day,
i go to sleep with the assurance that my life is indeed very very good.
i am so thankful that it is in my natural disposition to be a bit of a Pollyanna.
i am embracing my optimism and somewhat naive belief in the goodness of life as being vital to living my authentic life.
i am grateful that i have been equipped with exactly what i need for the journey i am taking.