Thursday, October 11, 2012

her question...

"when did life get so hard"
she asked out into her world
probably not expecting an answer
just looking for others to agree
that they wondered the same thing.
i lay awake for a long while last night
mulling her question over in my head
knowing that as close as we are,
as much as we share,
her struggle is still very much her own.
her journey.
her story.
i wanted to answer her but needed to wait.
needed to make peace with where her questions came from and what she would be able to hear.
i need to remember i am well into my life and need not rush her through hers.
she needs to sit with her questions as long as necessary
letting them soften and give way to the answer that speaks to her heart.
this morning we spoke briefly of her queary
  i told her i was going to blog about it
she didn't protest
so here i am...
i think
 and this is just what my heart tells me
it is in no way a difinitive answer,
(because i don't believe there are many of those out there anymore)
i think that life gets hard when we reilize that our choices and others choices
impact lives greatly
 she learned those lessons young
and when that is combined with a drying up of faith
life gets hard.
she agreed.
she said
and continued to put on her boots and gather up her school stuff
as though these conversations happen all the time.
(which they kinda do in our house)
 when i look at her life
i understand completly why she is struggling with the question of
"when did life get so hard"
 because for her
other people's choices have impacted her greatly.
and her choices have as well
and she takes responsiblitly very well for what is hers to own
but also recognizes what isn't and that is hard.
it is hard work to be self aware
at any age.
(this i know all too well)
and her faith has by her own admission,
 dried up and become a thin layer in her heart.
i get that
i don't judge
i don't panic
i don't preach
i don't worry
i understand
because i have been there
her question has of course
stirred up responsibility within me
my choices have influenced her life
and her ability to keep the faith.
i know this and i accept my contributions.
i also know that she is becoming the woman she is meant to be
by transforming some very challenging obstacles into launching boards
to a new way of living.
and that transformation,
as messy and painful as it is,
that is the grace that i depend on
working in my life, in her life, in your life.
the grace that leads to a refilling of faith and hope.
she needs hope to get through her day
hope and faith and determination
and a belief that while life is indeed very hard
she will be okay.
i trust she will find everything she needs
at exactly the right time

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