her question...

 

 

"when did life get so hard"

 

she asked out into her world

probably not expecting an answer

just looking for others to agree

that they wondered the same thing.

 

i lay awake for a long while last night

mulling her question over in my head

knowing that as close as we are,

as much as we share,

her struggle is still very much her own.

her journey.

her story.

 

i wanted to answer her but needed to wait.

needed to make peace with where her questions came from and what she would be able to hear.

i need to remember i am well into my life and need not rush her through hers.

she needs to sit with her questions as long as necessary

letting them soften and give way to the answer that speaks to her heart.

 

suprisingly,

this morning we spoke briefly of her queary

  i told her i was going to blog about it

she didn't protest

so here i am...

 

i think

 and this is just what my heart tells me

it is in no way a difinitive answer,

(because i don't believe there are many of those out there anymore)

 

i think that life gets hard when we reilize that our choices and others choices

impact lives greatly

sadly,

 she learned those lessons young

and when that is combined with a drying up of faith

life gets hard.

 

 

she agreed.

she said

"exactly"

and continued to put on her boots and gather up her school stuff

as though these conversations happen all the time.

(which they kinda do in our house)

 

 when i look at her life

i understand completly why she is struggling with the question of

"when did life get so hard"

 because for her

other people's choices have impacted her greatly.

and her choices have as well

and she takes responsiblitly very well for what is hers to own

but also recognizes what isn't and that is hard.

it is hard work to be self aware

at any age.

(this i know all too well)

and her faith has by her own admission,

 dried up and become a thin layer in her heart.

 

i get that

 

i don't judge

i don't panic

i don't preach

i don't worry

 

i understand

because i have been there

 

her question has of course

stirred up responsibility within me

my choices have influenced her life

and her ability to keep the faith.

i know this and i accept my contributions.

i also know that she is becoming the woman she is meant to be

by transforming some very challenging obstacles into launching boards

to a new way of living.

 

and that transformation,

as messy and painful as it is,

that is the grace that i depend on

working in my life, in her life, in your life.

the grace that leads to a refilling of faith and hope.

 

she needs hope to get through her day

hope and faith and determination

and a belief that while life is indeed very hard

she will be okay.

i trust she will find everything she needs

at exactly the right time

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i