Wednesday, October 3, 2012

the making of my personal manifesto

a written statement declaring publicly
 the intentions, motives,
 or views of its writer(s)
i have been dancing quietly with the desire to create a personal maifesto for about a year now.
i often read about or see these statements on the blogs i follow, or as beatifully penned art work in personal journals.
i was and continue to be intrigued by the process one must go through to be able to succinctly put to paper, and publicly no less, their intentions, motives and views...
and then to daily live in those truths.
i reilized during this process that
i didn't actually know myself very well when i had to actually remove the fluff and the show, and write down simply what i wanted to guide my daily actions. what did i actually hold as precious to me and how did i desire my life to be lived?
i had become so caught up in being mother. wife. friend.etc.etc.
that there was only a tiny germ of "tania" left.
this has been changing.
nine months slow.
it is like growing a new tania
and i now have
a tender few statements that i can  confidently write down and feel authentic about.
i can write them with assurance because as i stand taller in my personal truth
i become more convinced that my path is right for me.
not for anyone else but for me.
and that my path is a bit quirky...
this may sound simple
but for me it hasn't been.
almost every action, every choice i've made in my life has been made to please others, to win approval, to be wanted, to make sure i didn't rock the boat.
to not be abandoned
and the decisions i have made for myself?
 they are often suprising, eye brow raising
and come with a certain amount of skepticism, or confusion  from those watching me.
(hello! marrying a much, much younger man and a few other life changing decisions as well)
yet, those are the decisions that work
 that make my life bigger.
 those are the decisions i can stand behind in the face of others doubting me.
those are the decisions that i feel secure in
and i am noticing that i am becoming confident in the way i am choosing to live my life.
the daily moments are making sense to me
and feeding my soul, growing me into a better tania
my manifesto,
 like my bucket list is likely going to be quite small.
i prefer simplicity and only declaring what i truly can stand behind.
i am excited to start putting it on paper
and i will share once it is done.


1 comment:

  1. You are strong and can achieve what whats right for you.