Feb  11^th 2011      
Blog #14   Confessions and dreams of a middle age woman

Dear Tania

                  Well as you can see by the enourmous picture here,  my mind is filled with the Phantom of the Opera! this is the chandlier that I need to reproduce... it has to float up in the opening scene and then crash at the end of Act 1. Of course when it crashes it can't kill anyone and must be reuseable for the next performance! So my mind is preoccupied. Tomorrow I need to have everything ready for Sundays Valentines Desert Social at the Church! I need to bake.. or rather Abby needs to bake..lol...  In any case my mind is full of lots of things I need to accomplish today and tomorrow. And I like that it that way. Some say they would hate all the stress and pressure... but I'm weird! I love the fullness of acitivity and creativity and it's when I have nothing of real importance on my plate (there is always dishes and cleaning) that I fall apart! I mean it. I come unglued! I lose any sense of direction and fall apart. This is what I have observed with the gentle loving help of my husband who says to me "unless your plate is full to overflowing, your not happy!"  Ok... what does that make me Tania? A work -aholic? Maybe? 2 days ago i went with Hannah on the city bus to figure out her route into work (new job) .. we had to wait for the bus to come in. I was searching for a pen so i could list some things while I waited.. she laughed and asked me why I couldn't just sit. Sure I can... but while I'm sitting I want to be productive. "Just sit".... I tried... it last 45 seconds and then I was pacing. Sit and do nothing? Thats against some kind of inner moral fiber I have. It must be the German blood coursing through my veins.. lol...   Anyways, I need to be productive and going 100 miles an hour or I feel no inner peace. I can't explain it better than that. I do rest... on a holiday because it's ok to rest on a holiday..expected... but even then, truth be told.. I will be bored out of my mind if I'm expected to sun bath or sit and veg! I take puzzles to the cottage because I can't just do nothing!

And you know what? I'm ok with it! I am! I feel 'right' living this way, like another feels right just 'sitting'.  We are all different...

             ..... lol... and I thought I was gonna tell you i had writers block! Ha ha...