Sunday, February 6, 2011

the view from here.

this is the view out of the car window today.
it's a gray, heavy, dark afternoon
the house is quiet....gideon and i are home.
and he doesn't talk alot.
i don't talk alot either these days.
i am trying harder to listen. to hear, not only the voices of those close to me,
but also the voices that i have silenced for a while.
the kind loving voices. the ones that build me up and remind me
of who i am. of where my value comes from. of my worth.
the voice that speak truth.
sometimes, i think we surround ourselves with so much noise, so many
voices, that we drown out the ones that only speak up when we stop to listen.
the house is quiet today so i can stop and listen
it isn't easy though. the loud, insistent voices that are well practiced at speaking
take up room in my heart and head quickly.
about silly things...meaningless jabs...seemingly unimportant comments
such as,
"wow! that quality paint is really expensive. you don't want to waste money on that, your art isn't that important, just keep using the dollar store brand."
not life changing,
but also,
not words that build me up, edify me, remind me of my worth, my truth.
the truth of the situation is this.
i am worth investing in.
i am worth working on.
i am worth a $12 tube of paint
or the voices might remind me,
you should be doing must be doing that...why aren't you being more this? there is so much to do!
and sometimes this is true.
that is where the balance comes in.
today, the shoulds and musts and mores
are not necessary.
it is a day of rest, of connection,of worship, of renewal, of fellowship
but that isn't what i am hearing.

i wonder what stops us from listening to the real voice.
what stands between us and the promises given to us?
and why do we continue to turn an ear to the
words that we are not meant to listen to.
i think we need to help each other.
remind each other of what is good and true.
i need to say to those around me
you are amazing! because really who isn't?
   you are a blessing! because really who isn't?
there is always a gift to find.
i think we need to stand up to the voices that want to
drown out the truth and say,
no. no. no.
please stop talking to me now.
i am listening elsewhere.
don't interupt!
most likely i will have to be firm about this at first.
put on my don't mess with tania voice,
(i am told i have one and it is very effective!)
and put those damaging,negative, doubting voices
i am sending them out.
and replacing them with
the positive, trusting, loving voices instead.
that is my goal this week.
i will let you know how it goes.
the view from here
is always changing.
wishing for sun tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. Good for you ... seeing past the grey to light! Grey is well, subdued black. It is the way into dark and isn't that what is so easy for us! But as children of God he urges us to seek the light! To come out of the darkness that wants to control and keep us in whatever sahme and guilt it can. rather God says, Be a child of the Light! In the light we are able to be and see and hear who we really are! Gods creation. Gods workmanship! His child. His love, His.

    Blessings! And your art is so worth $12