i am giving myself a gift

i am giving myself a gift

this year.

i am giving myself the gift of time.

of space,

and rest,

and freedom from the life i have known

for a very long time.

it's not really just me giving the gift though.

it is a group effort really.

owen and my family are giving this gift to me.

caring friends and geneous people

are giving this gift to me.

loving families who

are honouring my decision to care for my body

and are understanding in the sad parting we are undertaking

are giving this gift to me.

the doctors with their stern but gentle words

who started the whole decision making process

are giving this gift to me.

sometimes i need their logic and widom

to not hear only with my heart.

our landlords who charge us fair rent are part of giving this gift to me.

my garden and ability to grow food is giving this gift to me.

the kefir and eggs and honey that are shared generously

and make up my diet

are part of this gift giving.

really,

the gift is a colaborative bringing together of caring and kindness.

and i am excited and scared to see what comes.

i am giving myself the gift of a year.

i am taking a full year off

even if i am miraculously or medically better in

3 or 6 months,

i am giving myself a full year.

january 1 2012 - january 2013

is my year of restoration.

and i

will not

allow myself to work full time again

until then.

that sounds set in stone but it has to be

because this is going to be very very tricky.

even beautiful gifts can have sharp edges.

i have a plan.

i love to plan

and the plan will unfold slowly.

the plan involves anyone who wants to come along with me.

you are all welcome in my story.