Friday, February 10, 2012

it's all in the choosing.

i hear the requests alot during my day
especially now that i am home
and they are home.

"mom, can you make me a sandwich?"
"you are picking me up from school, right?"
"do you have time to go for a drive today?"
"call me when you are leaving so i can catch a ride"
"what's for dinner tonight?"
"will you sit with me while i do my homework?"

and there are lots more.
requests of me. of my time. of togetherness.
sometimes it can sound quite demanding here at our house
and it would be, and sometimes it is,
too easy to consider them all demands of my time.
selfish, i just don't want to do it myself requests.

(and indeed, sometimes, they are)

those who know me well,
are aware that i prescribe to a
"don't do for them what they can do for themselves"
kinda parenting/educating/caregiving

but you know,
sometimes philosphies and best practices can be replaced.
by new ones. new ways of doing and being and thinking
because life changes. rapidy. and we need to do the same sometimes.

i choose to hear something other than demands when i am requested.
(somedays..this is not a perfect science..this parenthood thing)
i am hearing relationship building.
i am hearing trust rebuilding.

i am hearing,
choosing to hear

"i want to spend time with you. you make the best sandwiches. i like talking to you in the car. you make me feel smarter when i know you are close to me. i feel safe in your presence."

our journey with the curly haired girl earlier this year
blew away alot of what i thought i knew. alot of what i believed to be
"the way" to raise the children.
she is a constant teacher.
as are all of them. but she in particular.

i hear her rebuilding her trust of me
 just as much as i am rebuilding my trust of her
when she asks
"you are picking me up from school right?"

she has had times in her life when she felt i loved others more than her.
that is changing. she is learning to trust me again.
knowing that makes it easy to pick her up and make that a priority of my day.

choosing to hear the requests in my day
with a positive ear,
assuming the best
even when that may not be their intention
 allows me to love freely.
give more of myself and not feel resentful.
this is the choosing that creates life. growth. love and connection.

it works for me.
and it seems to be working for them.
this week there have been so many instances
where they blessed others with their presence, their service, their contributions.
i have been blessed through their actions.

1 comment:

  1. popping in to say hello. That I think of you often. That you are special. It is in the choosing, and you, my friend, are choosing well.

    Can't wait for your next letter! xoxo, E