aha! moment number 2

(from my journal entry..jan 31)

i've been doing it all for you.

i'm ready for it to be about me.

you,

being all of you who love me so much.

owen, my kids, my family, owen's family, my friends,

the doctors.

the big players in my life and the small.

for all of you

but

not for me.

now, just barely hatched-

is this new desire, need, want,

enthusiasm

(be it guarded and tired enthusiasm)

to get better for myself.

Because,

and this is pretty celebratory

i am excited for my life.

my future.

for my potential.

this is new.

"but this, we have all done this;

we bang and band on the door of hope,

and don't anyone dare suggest there's no one home"

-barbara kingslover-