erosion...

oh,

i can feel it today.

the constant dripping

or pounding

the relentless force that is being tossed my way.

daily.

moment by moment.

and

the cracks start to widen

and the shoulders feel tighter.

and then,

you learn of more suffering or heartache

and share burdens with others

and then it comes again,

in the form of words or actions or lack of either

and the cracks become deeper

and all the

doubt and blame and fear

starts to find easy ways to the surface.

no, no you say fiercly,

stuffing them back down,

but to no avail.

hot tears. tight chest.

open wounds.

erosion of the person i am trying so hard to be.

is this something that can be stopped?

or even prevented in the first place?

and is there not so much good that comes

when we allow ourselves to go where we are meant to journey?

yes, it is painful.

oh.so.painful.

but i know that pain

is not to be shyed away from or feared.

doesn't make it any easier.

but i know that i know

that pain, like any other emotion

is doing what it needs to do in my life.

erosion is altering what exists

and something new arrives

i can't wait to see what it is.