our journey right now.

i feel like a parent

of a newborn.

you know that feeling

when your child needs

so much

of every part of you

all the time

and you just can't wait till bedtime

so that maybe you can catch a few hours

of rest before they need you again.

that is how i feel

and it is,

just like with a newborn

exhausting to the bone,

but worth every second.

worth every sleepless moment

worth every long day

because you love them

you love the child

that is a part of you.

it is obvious

i am sure to those of you that are close to me

or that follow my blog

that we are travelling a very dark road with

our beloved girl.

and while there is a certain risk in blogging our journey

i do so with the greatest amount of love and devotion to her.

my outlet is writing and this is my place.

i trust you with my heart and ask for understanding and love.

hannah is hannah...

even when she is in a chaotic, dark place.

she is still our gift, our joy, our beloved daughter

and i don't want to ever forget that about her.

i am not going to make excuses for her

or apologize for her

or hide our struggles.

she is and always will be precious and a gift.

we love her

and are anxious to see her to the other side

of this journey she has chosen to take.

we are praying, hoping, begging

that it be short

and that we make it to the other side

intact.

we are seeking wisdom and understanding

and trying to remain true to who we are

and what we believe our role as parent is.

we are trying not to be paralyzed by fear.

we are journeying together

tied together by a very thick cord

of love and grace and patience.

i hope the rope is thick enough to continue to connect us.

and i really hope to get some sleep again soon...