Saturday, October 1, 2011

our journey right now.

i feel like a parent
of a newborn.
you know that feeling
when your child needs
so much
of every part of you
all the time
and you just can't wait till bedtime
so that maybe you can catch a few hours
of rest before they need you again.
that is how i feel
and it is,
just like with a newborn
exhausting to the bone,
but worth every second.
worth every sleepless moment
worth every long day
because you love them
you love the child
that is a part of you.

it is obvious
i am sure to those of you that are close to me
or that follow my blog
that we are travelling a very dark road with
our beloved girl.
and while there is a certain risk in blogging our journey
i do so with the greatest amount of love and devotion to her.
my outlet is writing and this is my place.
i trust you with my heart and ask for understanding and love.

hannah is hannah...
even when she is in a chaotic, dark place.
she is still our gift, our joy, our beloved daughter
and i don't want to ever forget that about her.
i am not going to make excuses for her
or apologize for her
or hide our struggles.
she is and always will be precious and a gift.
we love her
and are anxious to see her to the other side
of this journey she has chosen to take.
we are praying, hoping, begging
that it be short
and that we make it to the other side
we are seeking wisdom and understanding
and trying to remain true to who we are
and what we believe our role as parent is.
we are trying not to be paralyzed by fear.
we are journeying together
tied together by a very thick cord
of love and grace and patience.
i hope the rope is thick enough to continue to connect us.
and i really hope to get some sleep again soon...

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