Monday, October 17, 2011

need to remember.

gideon making lemon bars with me and cracking eggs with his big hands was the highlight of my day.
i am missing hannah's daily.hourly.frequent  texts so so much
it was so sweet this morning listening to madison tell me i am a wondeful girl just like her.
the warmth of the sunshine today while sitting at the picnic table was a bone warming, therapeutic love fest.
 i am reilizing that wanting to just do an art journal and not canvases is perfectly wonderful and okay.
i am safe. i am safe. i am safe.
being surrounded by nature and living things is important to me...i am drawn to the life that is represented.
i want to print off a stack of my histograms to use in my new journal but how? they will be too big. i need to figure this out. soon.
books soothe me.
i can be this tired and keep on going..i was this tired a year ago and i am still going. it is not ideal or easy but it is not impossible.
it is okay to say no but it is also okay to say yes.
having a plan is part of surviving. make a plan. even if you don't stick to it i think the very making of the plan is therapeutic.
get yourself to therapy lady! talk it out. or maybe not.
i love her..she is my beloved daughter who has so much amazing wonder about her. i choose every day to look at the good...look at the good...look at the good. i am blessed to be on this journey with her.
friendship is tricky. very tricky. not in a bad way. i know it's important. i need to figure it out. soon.
sometimes just being in the presence of family is enough. no doing. no fixing. no talking even. just being.
there are lonely days. lonely is a way to make friends with myself perhaps.
i like the smell of butter on my hands and the thought of baking in the oven.
i don't like being hungry. i think it worries me. i don't need to worry. i am abundantly provided for. always have been and always will be. there is comfort there.
 i am drawn to words today. seeking them out, reading them, writing them, looking for them...restless with thoughts.

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