Friday, January 28, 2011

definitions...and the words we throw around.

January 28, 2011
Dearest Suzy,
i just spent a few minutes reading back over all our blog posts. i see words, themes,emotions,honesty,humor,sadness,and alot more both written in our words and written between our sentences...then i spent a few minutes with a dictionary  and here is what i found;

faith: something that is believed, especially with strong conviction, a firm belief in something for which there is no proof, complete trust.

doubt: to lack confidence in, to consider unlikely, rooted in fear.

vulnerable: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded, open to attack or damage
trust: asssured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone or something, on in which confidence is placed.

positive: expressed clearly, fully assured (confident)
negative: marked by features of hostility, withdrawl, or pessimism that hinders or opposed constructive development

joy: the emotion evoked by well being, success, a state of happiness, a source or cause of delight

then i looked up the synonyms of happiness: beatitude, blessedness, bliss, blissfuness, felicity, gladness, joy, warm fuzzies
and the antonyms of happiness are calamity, ill being, misery, sadness, unhappiness and wretchedness.

yesterday was a hard day. it was i think for alot of us. we are not alone in our struggles. we both know this to be true and there is a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with blogging. while i am writing to you i am always aware that there are others reading along with us. it sits somewhere in the back of my mind that words can be taken, twisted, judged, mocked,treated with disregard...and the words are a part of me, an extension of my inner workings, so am i too be twisted, judged, mocked and treated with disregard and does that limit what i am willing to write to you. you mentioned that you felt negative writing your post yesterday. my response was indeed not! but, there is that external judge speaking to you...maybe saying something like "oh suzy, tania always has something cheerful to say so you best not complain!" and meanwhile, i am thinking "oh, i want to just lather suzy up with cheerfulness and positive energy and warm fuzzies...but she might be tired of that by now!" or worse yet, someone reading this might think i am fake or hypocritical because they have seen me downtrodden and in despair.

this blog is all about us working through our year together and i am going to be brave and vulnerable and  as positive as i can be because i truly truly believe that happiness is a choice and that choosing to be happy will bring more joy into my life and that joy will help anchor me through the rough storms. have you ever taken one of those "life stressor" tests where all the significant occurances are rated and the more you have experienced the more stressed you are supposed to be and thus, the more disfunctional or unhappy. well, as you can imagine,  i am off the charts...sickness, divorce, abuse, teenagers, debt, frequent moves, job changes, blended family etc...etc...yet, i am happy. i am cheerful. i am positive. i am. i am because i trust that God has my best interest at heart. always. simple faith. a child's faith in alot of ways.

back to the definitions...sorry this is so long...i don't get much adult company obviously so you get a whole days worth of
i was struck by this...negativity is marked by features of hostility, withdrawl, or ppessimism that hinder or oppose constructive development.  That right there is why I choose to pursue positivity relentlesly, daily, moment by moment, even to the point of driving others crazy. I do not want to be defined by the definition of negativity. ever.

i hope and pray that today finds you finding peace suzy.
leaving you with my hannah's words...
peace, love and happiness,
 tania xoxoxo

hopeful for spring
january 28,2011
Tania's backyard

1 comment:

  1. Your faith and optimism are inspiring Tania. I love reading your words of wisdom. I have so much to learn.