Jan 7 2011                                    Blog #7 Confessions and dreams of a middle age woman

Dear Tania

I’m a blank canvas Tania. It’s not that I don’t have thoughts… it’s that I have too many. Trying to decipher through them and which to follow leaves me feeling overwhelmed. Of course with each thought is a feeling that is connected. I feel scattered trying to forge ahead in a new direction… being pulled back into old familiar ways. Trying to balance everything with the word… it’s not that there are no meanings it’s that everything has meaning… I confess that I don’t like where I’m at. I feel most comfortable when I have a clear goal in front of me and I’m working with blinders on… straight for it…. ! This … this is a smorgesboard of green lights flashing… walk this way…. I’m sorry… I need to decompress….I need to find my center again…. I need to hear from God…This is the way...walk in it! Funny I remember as a kid when my room would get messy I would feel overwhelmed and not know where to clean first. My mom would come in and say…okay Suzanne I want you to pick up all of your clothes first. Hang up what is clean, then put the dirty stuff in the laundry basket…etc Somehow she had the ability to see through all the mess and with confidence be able to tell me exactly what to do.

OK… going to go.. It’s beautiful outside. The snow is falling again. I trust you shall have a great day!